Kinky sex very rarely just ‘happens.’ It takes planning and preparation and time and conversation and all that other stuff. Even in a relationship where you know you’re both keen to do it, it can be weirdly difficult to set aside time to turn off Netflix and indulge in the kind of fucking you can reminisce about for weeks to come. Recently someone asked me for some tips on how to plan and initiate kinky sex, so for what it’s worth, here’s how I make sure I’ve got a regular serving of dick in my diary.

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When my partner is sad, he wilts like a plant. I can sometimes tell he’s sad, despite him putting in his best efforts to try and make me think he’s fine, and for a long time I struggled with knowing how to cheer him up. The kind words and reassurances and ‘I love you’s that usually work on me have very little effect on him. But I think I’ve cracked it now – the closest I can come to a ‘cheat code’ for love. His ‘love language’: cuddles.

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How good are you at taking a compliment? Be honest, now: do you take them on board and ponder them until you genuinely understand what the person complimenting you means? Or do you tend to let them get filtered out through the hodgepodge of insecurities that you’ve accumulated over the years? I am rubbish at taking a compliment, but occasionally I get flashes of what the world might look like if I could properly take them on board.

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Recently the fantastic writer @CoffeeandKink was chatting on Twitter about the ethics of age gap relationships, and I asked her if she’d be up for elaborating on her ideas in a guest blog. I’m really chuffed that she said yes! As well as writing her own amazing sex blog, she’s also guest blogged for me here before about orgasm denial, and she freelances on a number of different topics. Today she’s here to explain what ethical factors should be considered in age gap relationships…

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Are you sitting at your computer with one hand down your pants, listening to your smoke alarm go off and wondering if you can get another quick wank in before the house burns down around you? Yeah, you’re probably wanking too much. If you’re reading one of the many articles that have been published recently with a title along the lines of ‘could you be masturbating too much?’ and picking over your masturbation habits in detail to try and ascertain whether you might have a problem, then congratulations: you probably don’t.

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