It’s easy to write about the big things that are sexy: anal sex, spanking, throatfucking. The kind of things you’d add to your bucket list, as you tense your muscles to try and work out the discomfort of extreme arousal. The pervy blog staples: Threesomes. Bukkake. The vision of you pulling your knickers to one side and sliding neatly down onto a strap on. Right to the hilt. Hard.

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This week’s guest blog is a bit different, because I’m going to publish it and then – like an irritating pop-up critic – I’m going to disagree with the author.

Meet Mr XY. He got in touch with a blog about his specific fantasies – softcore femdom that follows certain lines, but doesn’t go as far as much of the femdom porn that he finds online. Domination without humiliation. Edging without hardcore chastity. I’ll let him explain the details.

However, I also want to add a note for those reading this – his post discusses the ways in which femdom is portrayed in the mainstream media, as well as a lament about the lack of porn available for people with his sensibilities. If you think the same, please do read my response at the end, because I definitely think there’s plenty of porn that caters to these fantasies, and it’s perhaps not as rare as the author thinks. Sometimes it’s just a question of knowing the right places to find it, so I thought it’d be worth us having a bit of back and forth.

As a result of my insistence on disagreeing, this blog is less of a straight-out story, and more the opportunity to start a bit of a discussion. So massive thank you to him, for letting me post his blog along with my thoughts, and please do come and join in the comments.

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I’m going through a phase where I really crave spanking. All I really want is to be smacked. Flat palm, bare bottom, good hard whacks. Lying on the sofa, with my feet in a guy’s lap, my usual whim would be for him to slide a hand up my leg and into the warmth of my crotch, casually thumbing my clit through my knickers until I wriggle and beg for a fuck.

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It’s pretty rare that someone shares an exact fantasy of mine, right down to every sticky detail. I think the same is true for most of us, which is why those ‘top fantasies’ surveys are usually far too broad to be useful on an individual basis. X per cent of men fantasise about having a threesome – big deal. Who is the threesome with? What happens during it? What’s the atmosphere like? Is the main participant a passive receptacle for the sexual whims of the other two, or are they an active and eager consumer, sampling whatever deviant delights they are offered? Is this threesome in a specific place, or are specific words said? When you get down to the granular detail of a fantasy, it’s incredibly rare to find someone who shares something identical, in every possible respect.

So, when I tell you that I once explained this fantasy to someone, and watched their eyes light up with gleeful enthusiasm, as they told me they had exactly the same desire, I hope you can understand just how rare that was. And how utterly soaked I was by the time they’d finished explaining exactly why they liked it too.

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Ever been to a BDSM party? This week’s guest blogger – Jess – has. And she’s going to tell you about a pretty hot sex/BDSM party, which involved rope, the cane, and a shuddering exhibitionist orgasm.

This post is based on a true story, but names have been changed for anonymity. If you think you recognise anyone in this story (or any guest blogs) please keep it to yourself.

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