Tag Archives: blow jobs
How to give the worst blow job ever
Sorry if you were hoping to start 2017 off on a positive note, but I have the worst blow job tips ever to share with you. They are called – brace yourself – “7 Ways To Make Giving A Blow Job Go Faster.” CAN YOU IMAGINE. I can think of two acceptable ways to ‘make giving a blow job go faster’ if you want it to stop soon: either you say ‘let’s switch to something else’ or you say ‘let’s have a break and a sandwich.’
Spoiler: neither of these are on the list of tips.
Pavlov’s blow job
Before I suck dick, I take out my lip ring. I haven’t always done this – some guys used to enjoy the extra sensation, so I’d leave it in. Others felt it made very little difference – a blow job’s a blow job, right? – so I wouldn’t bother taking it out before I began. But my current partner prefers his blow jobs au naturel, so I take out my lip ring. And in doing so, I’ve inadvertently managed to achieve a bizarre sexual ambition.
Eye contact when you’re getting head: yes or no?
He likes me to make eye contact when I’m sucking him off. He likes to see my big, wet eyes staring deeply into his. Imploring. Desperate. Needy. Close.
But when the roles are reversed, I want no eye contact. I want him to look down, or away, or at the colours and shapes behind his own eyelids. Never looking into mine.
Guest blog: The glory hole story – one woman’s experience
This week’s guest blog is about something very close to my heart, which features in some of my hottest fantasies: the glory hole. While I’d love to be able to tell you utterly filthy stories about anonymous rendezvous with people through glory holes, I’ve sadly never had the pleasure. So Laura – from School of Squirt – is here to share a story of her own glory hole evening. And holy shit it’s hot. Don’t read this at work, unless your work is totally comfortable with you getting so turned on you immediately run to the office toilets and start hacking holes in the cubicle walls.
Your dick. My mouth. Now.
How did I chat people up before? When I was single, and I had to put some effort in beyond just saying “Your dick. My mouth. Now”?
I think I probably started with a hint: a story about this one time at college, leading to a detailed breakdown of who did what. But where there were strangers, now there’s one guy. Where there were hints, now there’s directness:
“Your dick. My mouth. Now.”