He walks in, cock already hard. One hand on the waistband of his trousers. He slams the door behind him with his foot and says, simply: “D’you want to bend over and get fucked?”

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A quick selection of bitesize erotic stories to get you going. All of these are true. If this has whet your appetite and you’d like more sexy stories head to the erotica or audio porn sections…

Him: Do you know what was good?

Me: What?

Him: Last night, when I sat on the floor under the desk and you sat on the chair in front of it naked from the waist down. When you put your feet up on the edge of the desk and then let me eat your cunt for aaaaaages.

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He’s never really spanked me with a hairbrush. Hasn’t even picked it up from my dressing table while I’m peering into the mirror to do eyeliner, then delivered a playful, thudding whack onto my jeans-clad bum before we leave on a night out. But that doesn’t mean a girl can’t dream.

This post contains corporal punishment and elements of consensual non-consent. 

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A long time ago, when I used to date, I had a pet theory about how to make dating a little less arduous: the ‘One Drink Bailout.’ It was published as a guest blog for a fellow blogger – who, incidentally, wrote me a beautiful guest blog on crushes in return – but his blog is now offline, so the post has disappeared. It’s one of the posts I’m asked about most often, and today someone told me they were trying to find the link but couldn’t, so I said I’d repost it here. I wrote it back in 2012 so I’m not sure how it’s aged, but if you like it feel free to add it to your dating profile if you’re sick of spending long evenings on dates you know aren’t going anywhere.

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People often think that dating a sex blogger consists of living every single day on a sexual rollercoaster: shagging first thing in the morning, enjoying a blow-job with your post-work Xbox session, and then filling your evenings with creative fucking as you test out brand new sex toys. Here’s what it’s actually like.

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