It’s that time of year again, when I hustle a little to see if any of you would like to come support the audio porn project on Patreon, and encourage you to do it via the medium of shameless bribery. As always, the fabulous Stuart F Taylor who draws such gorgeous art for the blog has designed a kickass sexy Christmas card – I’ll be sending these out as a thank you to any paid supporter who wants one. This year, you also have the opportunity to get an iron-on decal so you can customise a t-shirt, pair of knickers, or other item of clothing – woo! These are also designed by Stuart, and I am beyond thrilled with how cool they look on clothes! I recommend you wear said item of clothing on a date to impress and delight your partner. To get a card, you only need to give me $2/£2. To get a decal, $6/£5.50. And as well as getting the merch, you also get a tonne of extra bonus content, plus the joy of knowing that you’re helping me and my team of incredible guests bring more glorious audio smut into the world…

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Every time Christmas rolls round, I feel terrible that I am unable to produce a saucy Santa story for your enjoyment. I’ve done a story about being unwrapped like a gift, a cute(ish) story about heading home for the holidays, and a Christmas gang bang, but nothing that features the King of Presents himself. I think I just struggle to get into a sexy Santa headspace. Luckily, this year, Tony has stepped in to bring a bit of festive magic, with a genderflipped Santa and an ethereal Christmas party shag…

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There are two types of people in this world: those who unwrap their gifts with care and precision, trying not to shred the paper as they go, and those who tear into it with eager, gleeful joy, destroying the wrapping in their haste to get to the gift. If you’re the second type of person, this Christmas erotica is for you.

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Kate is one of those writers whose work makes me have to go for a lie-down and a wank. I mean… you probably don’t need to know much more than that, right? Hazard of the job: sometimes browsing other people’s work to share the love with other bloggers, or record something especially filth as audio, means I get cuntpunched with lust and have to give myself a break. Sugar Baby is Kate’s Christmas present to me, and to us all. It’s filth: I adore it.

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This is not a Christmas gift guide, because in my family we’re not doing gifts this year – we’re doing ‘hugging those we can and vid calling those we can’t and making plans for a big fuckoff party once we’ve all received our vaccines’. I checked my calendar this morning and was unsurprised to discover that 2020 has lasted at least ten years so far. And while it’s glorious that we’re now hurtling rapidly towards the end of it, with joyful vaccine news on the horizon, I don’t think any shiny presents will be sparkly enough to brighten what’s been such an objectively devastating time. So this is not a Christmas gift guide.

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