Tag Archives: cock
Being unclean: I don’t shower after sex
One of the lies I tell most frequently is this one: “I’ll have a shower when I get home.” I almost definitely won’t shower after sex. If you’ve just nailed me into a sweaty, jizz-covered mess, the last thing I’ll want to do is rinse it off and go home smelling of shampoo and roses.
Why I won’t shower after sex
Why? Because fucking smells fucking good.
Not just the smell of your cock – the smell of your cock mixed with sweat and come. The smell of your come mixed with the scent of my own cunt. This smell, by the way, is utterly unique to every guy. Transport me back in time to any post-sex, jizz-dripping haze and I’d be able to tell you just from the smell exactly who I’d been shagging.
Smell is deeply evocative. The smell of a searing-hot day can take me back to memories of Florida, even though I haven’t been there since I was fifteen. Certain markets smell like Korea, tangerines smell like Christmas, there’s a particular washing powder that smells like my ex…
And your spunk drying on my sweaty, naked tits smells like decadence, happiness, and utter filth.
You smell fucking good
Apologies to the boys who might be upset to hear about this, but if you leave your clothes at my house I will do bad things with them.
If you leave your boxers I’ll hold them over my mouth, pinch my own nipples, and masturbate to the memories of burying my face in your crotch. If you are one of the rare few who I’ve let sleep in my bed, chances are I’ve slept on your side the next day, with knickers pulled halfway down so I can touch myself while breathing you in.
Is that creepy? Maybe. Probably not quite as creepy as the fact that I still have a t-shirt a boy left at my house many moons ago that no longer smells like his sex-sweat because I’ve sniffed it all out.
Certainly not as creepy as the fact that, while I’m writing this, I’m occasionally taking deep, long breaths of my right hand, because it smells like jizz and lube and one particular boy.
I hate washing that smell off my hands.
It’s probably not totally hygienic, but the idea of showering all that away – the sex sweat and the come and the lingering scent of fucking – seems like a total waste: I’d no more rush into the shower than I’d spit instead of swallow.
Someone else’s story: gay teenagers
I’ve removed this post at the request of the author, as he became nervous about being identified.
Was awesome while it lasted. You can still see other guest contributions, though.
On choosing the right words
Writing about sex involves very careful word selection. I probably use some words that kill your mood sometimes, and likewise there are some words that make me dry up and cringe into a ball of hateful misery. Here are some of them, feel free to add to the list.
Cum
You might think it is a sexualised form of a common word: I think it’s a spelling error. You say ‘tomato’, I say ‘I will probably be less attracted to you if you spell things wrong’.
Pussy
Good lord no. For so many many reasons, of which here are a few:
- ‘Pussies’ belong to porn stars and gangster hos, so experience implies that a pussy is something for a guy to fuck, not something for a girl to get genuine eye-rolling, bedsheet-tearing pleasure from.
- Say it out loud: “wet pussy”. Eugh. “wet pussy” It doesn’t sound like a part of a person, but something you might step in.
- Mrs Fucking Slocombe
Any word for ‘tits’ that ends in -ies
I have never had ‘titties’ or ‘boobies’. I have tits. These words are only acceptable during comedy, or if you are a member of the Bloodhound Gang.
Medical terms
When I leave the doctor’s surgery my vagina becomes a cunt. My breasts become tits. Likewise although my doctor has a penis, you have a cock. Dick. Prick. By using medical terms I start expecting a medical examination, so if you call it a ‘penis’ I’m less likely to suck it than to give it an ultrasound.
Cutesy names for your cock
You don’t fuck someone raw with ‘Barry Junior’. And I don’t want to swallow ‘Mr Winkie’. Come on, lads – it’s ‘it’, not ‘he’.
I have no idea why any guy ever does this, unless he has been with a girl who is a bit afraid of his looming, punishing hardon. Men: your cock is the most powerful, brilliant thing about you; don’t turn it into a fucking Disney character.
Tits, face, arse, stomach… what are the best places to jizz?
I once got a text from a boy that just read: “When I see you on Friday can I come in your hair and/or eyes?” Brilliant. Not specifically the places, but the fact that he wanted it so badly. He had a thing for mess. Remembering this got me thinking about being covered in spunk, and the best places to jizz…