When I was young – maybe ten or eleven – one of my Mum’s friends gave her an entire display box of Mars bars to say thanks for a favour she’d done. Incredible, right? In case you aren’t familiar with them, Mars bars are tasty sticks of nougat with a layer of chewy caramel on top, enrobed in delicious milk chocolate. And thanks to my Mum’s friend, our family now owned an entire box of them! What?!

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There are certain TV shows that make for awesome foreplay. Your choice of show will depend on your style and desires, but I’m sure you know the kind I mean: those which consistently give you flashes of horny fuck scenes that will play on your mind long after the credits roll. This week’s awesome guest blog is about a single scene in one of those shows. When he originally pitched it to me, I remembered the exact moment – “slap me” – from the mouth of a character who wouldn’t usually be submissive. And it gave me echoes of the horn that I felt when I’d watched that show too. I only wish I could have taken the cum-trigger hotness of it and put it into practice as spectacularly as this…

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I’m a big fan of penetrative sex: it’s not the only way to fuck, but it is my favourite. I understand that some people don’t want their partner to ejaculate too quickly during penetration – they want their ‘turn’ to come before any jizzing occurs. The notion of the ‘two-pump chump‘, while shamey and horrible-sounding, does nevertheless express something that’s important for some people, and I don’t want to imply that their desires here are invalid. Nor do I want to invalidate your desires if you find yourself coming really quickly during sex and desperately wishing you could last a little longer. If you’re shagging me, though? Please don’t ever worry about ‘premature ejaculation’ on my account. Two pumps is fine. Even just one, to be honest. One of the hottest things you can ever do is spunk uncontrollably into my cunt.

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Whenever I ask a new person to teach me how to suck their dick, Jez from Peep Show’s voice pops up to tell me “That’s cheating! Anyone can please [someone] in bed if [they] tell you what to do! You’re not allowed to ASK, that’s the whole point!” It’s ridiculous, of course, because you absolutely are allowed to ask. In fact, sometimes asking is the only way you’ll find out exactly how this particular person likes their dick to be sucked.

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Welcome, readers, to the next guest post in a series I like to call ‘GOTN abuses her guest blog budget by using it to commission loads of pieces about what it feels like to jizz, so she can live vicariously through the kind people who are willing to share their experience.’ Recently Jocket dropped by to share some super-hot tales of trying to increase semen volume. This week we have an anonymous commenter who was kind enough to respond to my shoutout for cum-based posts with some astonishingly detailed descriptions of what it feels like to ejaculate. I’m incredibly grateful, not just for the hot stuff, but for the intensely personal look into someone’s solo sex life…

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