Bend over. Put your face in the pillow. Stick your ass out. Spread your cheeks. I want to get my dick as far inside you as it will go: all the way in. 

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I like watching men jizz themselves involuntarily. It’s one of my favourite kinks, and the driving force behind me doing all kinds of odd things, like making a custom mount for my Fleshlight Launch so I could watch it milk my partner dry of spunk. If you’re interested in involuntary orgasms as well, then I have two things I’d like to introduce you to. The first is the amazing work of @Perfect_Match_X, who produces gorgeous videos of various men being restrained and then wanked to completion while they make delightful orgasmic noises, and the second is the JETT – an unusual new sex toy from Hot Octopuss.

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How good do your genitals smell right now? Go on: if you’re in a place where it’s OK to do so, have a quick scratch and sniff. Really breathe it in. I bet a not insignificant number of you are delighted by the results. I’m certainly one of them: my vagina smells great at the moment.

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Next time we fuck, make it brutal. Make it vigorous and deep and angry and quick. Make it far too quick for it to only happen once. Make it worth all this time that I’ve waited: make it count.

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I live in fear of injuring my wanking hand. Or hands, plural, now that my best orgasms come from using two of my favourite sex toys simultaneously. But this week’s guest blogger, LoveLustLondon (@LoveLustLondon on Twitter), is looking on the bright side. He’s here to tell you how a hand injury has helped him rediscover different kinds of masturbation, and gain a new appreciation for different masturbation techniques…

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