We’ve all heard that old saying “Don’t have anything in your home that you don’t know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” Happily, when it comes to dildos, you don’t need to choose between practicality and prettiness: you can have both. In which case… how do you choose the best dildo to add to your collection?

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The other day I squirted for the first time and it was fucking AWESOME so I’m going to tell you all about it. Regular readers will know that in the past my inability to squirt has caused me much heartache. I’d seen the people in porn squirting all over the place, including into the eager faces of their sexual partners, and my heart throbbed with sadness that I’d never quite managed to muster anything more than the odd sploosh. But finally – FINALLY – after years of longing and wishing and getting eagerly fingered to little result, I recently managed my first ever squirt and it was everything I’d dreamed of. Here’s how it happened, in case you’d either like to try it for yourself or just have a lovely wank because the thought of squirting turns you on.

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There are two threads to the story I want to tell today. The first thread is so obvious it feels almost trite to mention it: I want to tell you about a particularly brilliant g-spot dildo, which stimulates me in a way not many others do. The second thread is about being hand-fucked. Not ‘wanked off’, not ‘masturbated’: being hand-fucked. Sometimes I write fucking stories that are about speed or enthusiasm or energy. I’ll tell you that this or that fuck was intense, or fun, or orgasmic. This fuck, though? This fuck was thorough.

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