I saw something the other day that really tickled me: a screenshot of a message from a guy on an app which promised to make a woman come ‘harder than she ever had before.’ That’s quite the promise, especially from a complete stranger. On every level it’s a silly thing to say to someone who you haven’t even met in the flesh: what if you don’t have compatible chemistry when you actually meet up? What if she struggles with anorgasmia? What if she’s never had an orgasm at all? You’re making so many assumptions, not to mention writing a sex cheque so large that you just don’t stand a hope in hell of cashing it, thus guaranteeing yourself the most awkward morning after of your entire life. The guy sending her a message has to believe not only that he’s better than any other lover she might have had (including those with whom she’d had loads of sex, and therefore loads of practice learning each other’s bodies), but also that he’s better than every single wank she’s had as well. As I say, it tickled me. But rather than write a long post about the follies of being One Of These Guys, I thought I’d have a go at illustrating by example why this is such a silly claim, because last night I had an incredibly powerful orgasm myself, and while lying in the afterglow of that formidable release it occurred to me just how many things had to align in order for such a fiercely brilliant climax to occur. Here’s how to make me come harder than I ever have before.

(more…)