This week’s guest blogger pitched me their piece as ‘first time sploshing’ and it is definitely that: delicious birthday cake served in a truly sexy way. There’s another word for what happens in this piece too, though, which I wanted to introduce you to in case you, like me, enjoy learning incredibly specific terms for super-hot kinky acts: nyotaimori. It’s a Japanese word meaning ‘to serve food off a person’ and it was featured on Kink of the Week last year. I love the concept of it, and adore it even more if the food being served is cake. This week’s guest blogger combines first time sploshing, nyotaimori and group sex in this creatively sexy post about getting your birthday fantasy fulfilled…

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The hardest thing about editing today’s guest blog was stopping myself from holding my breath as I waited for each beat of it to drop. The pace, rhythm, atmosphere and intensity of this story is so good it genuinely fucked with my breathing. This gorgeous piece of erotica about a powerful and intense casual sex erotica is by Clara Dunn (@author_dunn on Twitter), who you might remember from her fabulous intro guest blog a few weeks ago, about why you shouldn’t fuck to the album Harry’s House. She sent this one over at the same time, and it is so hot it fucking melted me. I hope you enjoy being utterly ruined in the same way…

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This stunning kinky threesome erotica, with two submissive women and one dominant guy, is written and read beautifully by The Barefoot Sub, and originally appeared on her website. 

We arrive in the usual way. Well, usual for me. Heels, skirts, no knickers, bare legs. Not getting noticed in the lobby and slipping through his door after I take a deep breath in and out. As we settle I unpack the items he has asked me to bring. The wand, my strap on, my coir rope and some cotton lengths too, along with some of my impact toys. Satisfied that they are all there (not that I didn’t check them over thee times before taking my bag to the car) I take another deep breath and turn to you. Feasting my eyes on you one more time, the salacious grin on my face mirroring the one plastered on yours before we break eye contact.

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Note: this wank tale involves the fetishisation/kinkification of something that I know can be distressing to some people (erectile ‘dysfunction’/delayed (or premature) ejaculation). Know that in real life there is still plenty of fun to be had if you can’t get an erection and coming ‘too soon’ is INCREDIBLY HOT in its own right. However, sometimes things that are distressing can also be hot to kink, and this fantasy about having a horny cuck guy hold my hand while I get fucked by someone else just so happens to lean on that idea. 

You can’t fuck me, that’s the foundation of this. Frame ‘can’t’ however you like, but fundamentally it must be based on something you see as a failing, and my subsequent refusal to let you enter my cunt only serves to enhance your shame at not being good enough. You’re unable to fuck me because you can’t get your dick hard, for instance. Or you’re too prone to coming too quickly or not at all. Perhaps your dick isn’t adequate for what I want: you can’t fuck me intensely enough or fast enough or (better) with the firm, slow strokes that leave every atom of my cunt feeling stretched out and rubbed raw.

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As a general rule I never have enough confidence in my own music taste to recommend what I like to other people. Most of my partners have preferred me to uncritically subsume their own playlists rather than contribute suggestions of my own: they rarely ever let me pick the music. As a result, not only am I suffused with a vague sense of embarrassment when talking about music, I have rarely spent much time actively seeking out new bands. But recently I found a band who make my heart swell with joy, and their latest album gave me powerfully horny ideas. I hope they will forgive me for taking this to such an X-rated place, but I’m gonna talk about Solid Gold by Holy Moly & The Crackers: the fuckiest album I have heard in a very long time.

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