This fantastic essay about putting things in your mouth is written and read by the sublime Robyn of RobynEatsEverything, and it originally appeared on their website. Once you’ve enjoyed the smut here (as text or audio – click ‘play’ above!), click the link at the end if you’d like to read part two…

The first time I ever sucked dick, we’d just been to McDonald’s and it tasted like strawberry milkshake. It was actually my first time in a McDonald’s too; what a day.

(more…)

This week’s guest blogger pitched me their piece as ‘first time sploshing’ and it is definitely that: delicious birthday cake served in a truly sexy way. There’s another word for what happens in this piece too, though, which I wanted to introduce you to in case you, like me, enjoy learning incredibly specific terms for super-hot kinky acts: nyotaimori. It’s a Japanese word meaning ‘to serve food off a person’ and it was featured on Kink of the Week last year. I love the concept of it, and adore it even more if the food being served is cake. This week’s guest blogger combines first time sploshing, nyotaimori and group sex in this creatively sexy post about getting your birthday fantasy fulfilled…

(more…)

I tiptoe into the flat through the door she’s left unlocked, because I don’t want to wake her when I get in. On the pillow in the spare bedroom, she’s left a fresh towel and two chocolates, and seeing them makes my heart burst with love. I spy from the hallway that the light is on in her room, so I can’t resist asking: “psst – you up?” I could wait till tomorrow to talk to her, but I’m brimming with eagerness now. I can spill all the details over ham and cheese croissants at breakfast, but she is awake right now, so she says “yes! Come in! Report back! Did you get alllllll the spunk?”

(more…)

Sometimes the stars align into a constellation that literally spells out “I HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD, GODDAMMIT”, and so it was on the 20th January this year, when I got a little message from a shipping company telling me my package from Intimate Chocolate had arrived. My package of a gigantic, delicious, beautiful hazlenut-and-chocolate dick. I am supposed to ‘review’ this for the website, but you lot know me by now and so what I’m actually going to do is wax lyrical about how fucking awesome this whole situation is, then tell you how I got overexcited and suggested to a mate who was visiting that we should competitively deep-throat it.

(more…)

I don’t want your hot dick or your dripping, sizzling spunk: I want you to mouth-fuck me with a Cornetto. Take your sweet, tight arse to the shop and come back with a bag of lollies. Give me ice-cold bites of everything.

(more…)