In drama at school we used to play a warm-up game that involved cutting a deck of cards to determine each character’s status. We’d be given a scenario, let’s say person A is a teenager who’s broken a vase during a house party while their parents were away, and B and C are the parents returning home. If you just tell people to play what they think those characters should do, the scene will run in a fairly obvious way. Parents discover the accident, interrogate their kid about how the breakage happened, the child is suitably apologetic/nervous of the consequences, etc. However, if you have each person cut the deck of cards and replay the scene, this time assuming status and power depending on which card they got, things look very different. Let’s say the kid gets a Jack or a Queen, Mum gets a 9 and Dad picks a 2. Now the kid has the most power, and might end up berating their parents for owning something so expensive in the first place. Mum is the kid’s semi-obsequious sidekick, agreeing with him while occasionally sniping at Dad for not anticipating that this might happen before he booked their weekend away. Dad grovels before both of them, frantically trying to make amends for an accident that, in his low-status role, he’s entirely reframed as his fault. See what I mean? Status isn’t inherent to each character, it’s determined by the luck of the draw. And status, power and playfulness are all at the heart of my idea for a Blackadder Threesome. Here’s one for all the horny switches.

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This gorgeous ode to dick was written by David of The Big Gay Review. It is read here by Luke. 

I love dick. No, I don’t just love dick. I am obsessed with it. My own. Other peoples. I just love dick. Which is why when I saw that the Kink of the Week prompt was all about penis; you know I had to jump on it. Literally.

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You’ve got a fabulous dick, sweetheart. And I really do love taking it into my mouth and trying my best to get you to come down the back of my throat. But today I have a different request. It’s something I’ve been fixating on when I touch myself and think about you. And on the surface it won’t seem horny, but I promise you it really really is, just hear me out as I ask you… please may I not suck your cock?

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This lovely ode to the joy of fucking is written by Ms Naughty who runs Bright Desire, and is read by Girl on the Net. Bright Desire sponsor my blog and make beautiful porn – both audio and video. Click the link to check out more glorious filth! 

Fuck. It’s such a potent word. So strong, so sexual, so taboo. I love to say fuck, just as I love to fuck. A good session of fucking can be made so much more by an accompanying session of talking fuck.

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This story contains elements of dormophilia (i.e. wanting people to touch me up while I sleep), all very consensual. Don’t do this sort of thing unless you have discussed in advance with your partner and you’re sure that they would enjoy it.

The night before Christmas, he tiptoes into the bedroom to make sure he doesn’t wake me, but he doesn’t need to be that careful: I pretend to be asleep anyway. Lying on my stomach, head turned away from the door he’s just entered through, I keep my breathing soft and calm and make out that I’m sleeping. If he knows I’m awake he might try to talk to me, and at that point sleep will be impossible. Besides, if he thinks I’m out for the count, it’ll be way hotter if he tries to do The Thing I Like. I’m wearing my silk knickers, just in case. I really want him to do it.

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