Sometimes dicks don’t get hard when you want them to. Yours stays soft sometimes, right? If you’re drunk, high, stressed, distracted by a squirrel or whatever? Annoyingly, society has told you that not being able to achieve full-mast, cast-iron boners whenever you want to is shameful, even though it really obviously isn’t because it happens to everyone. Seriously, every single person with a dick has had trouble with it at some point – it won’t get hard, it gets hard at inappropriate times, it comes sooner than you’d like or doesn’t come at all, you know the drill. And some of you, when your dicks don’t do what you want, lean on a little external help. If you come too quickly, you might try wearing a thicker condom. If you can’t get hard, you might pop a Viagra. It’s totally fine, loads of people do it, and I (a 39-year-old woman with a ravenous cunt and a lot of love to give) am here to tell you that I will not shame you for taking one. In fact, like many sexual things to which we usually attach shame, I would like to take that bullshit societal script and utterly pervert it. The next time you reach for a blue pill, please tell me you’re about to take one, so together we can make it kinky. Here’s how to take a Viagra, sexily.

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I found today’s guest blog so moving and intense that it’s quite hard to write an introduction. When Aborigen (@[email protected] on Masto) got in touch to offer a post about macrophilia/size fantasy, and plug his podcast zHeitgeist, I was excited to read about a kink I don’t share and hoping I could gain an insight into the way that facesitting is of particular appeal to macrophiles who want to feel small, vulnerable, crushed. I wasn’t quite expecting him to make such a beautiful case for acceptance and understanding of all consensual kinks. On top of this, he gives a truly exquisite example of why being vulnerable with your lovers, and accepting their vulnerabilities too, can be powerfully rewarding. I want to go back in time and share this with my past self, and any number of past lovers too. It’s longer than guest blogs usually are, so grab a cuppa before you dive in. It’s worth it.

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The next time I see my boyfriend, I’m going to make sure I brush my lips really slowly against the soft skin in the curve between his neck and his shoulder. I’m going to run my hands up the back of his t-shirt and relish the warmth of his body through the cotton. I’m going to tell him ‘I missed you’ and mean it more than I have since early August, when I very rudely disappeared for two whole weeks in the early days of our relationship. On the morning I returned from that trip, we went to the pub for a couple of hours before I took him home to my place, and when I stood up to get my round in, I ran my fingertips down the back of his head – recently-but-not too freshly-shaved, feather soft against my skin. He later whispered to me that the touch had made his cock jump. So fuck it, yeah: the next time I see my boyfriend, I’ll want to do that again too.

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In this piece, the dominant narrator is going to tease you, frustrate you, and then eventually take you slowly. In this version, the narrator is voiced beautifully Stephen Carling. If you would prefer a woman’s voice, check out She’s going to take you slowly, read by Girl on the Net. 

Today, I want to take you slowly. That’s my plan. I’m going to explain to you, in detail, exactly how I’m gonna take you. And you’re going to stay nice and quiet for me while you listen, touching yourself if you want to, but not yet making yourself come.

Are you happy with that? OK. Let’s do this.

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In this piece, the dominant narrator is going to tease you, frustrate you, and then eventually take you slowly. In this version, the narrator is voiced by Girl on the Net. If you would prefer a man’s voice, check out He’s going to take you slowly, read by Stephen Carling. 

Today, I want to take you slowly. That’s my plan. I’m going to explain to you, in detail, exactly how I’m gonna take you. And you’re going to stay nice and quiet for me while you listen, touching yourself if you want to, but not yet making yourself come.

Are you happy with that? OK. Let’s do this.

(more…)