My period is extremely unpredictable. I am not angry with it for being so – it more than makes up for its unpredictability by being relatively swift. Although I almost never know when I’m about to start bleeding, I do at least know that once it’s started I’ll be blood-free in about four days. What’s more, I usually only have one day of absolute agony (the day after I come on, if you must know), and although it’s absolute hell trying to sit at a desk and knock out erotica while my lower back is screaming for mercy, as soon as the pain is over I’m usually rewarded with a period horn so powerful I could milk a whole rugby team in under thirty minutes.

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As a professional porn writer I should be able to find a better way of saying this, but sometimes simplicity conveys meaning far better than detail ever could. I need to ask you a favour: please will you put it in me?

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I was so excited when Kim contacted me to offer a guest blog on enjoying bondage while pregnant – the mixture of emotions when horny with hormones and also keen to be careful of their baby bump is a really cool topic to explore. Regular readers will know Kim from their previous blog on sex with anxiety, and today’s is a lovely personal (and very sexy) piece about a recent bit of bondage play. If you’d like to read more of Kim’s awesome writing, I’d thoroughly encourage you to check out their fabulous blog detailing their surrogacy journey too – I found it fascinating and learned a lot about the process of becoming a surrogate as well as different types of surrogacy. In the meantime, please enjoy this gorgeous guest post!

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Sometimes I wonder if I’m horny or if life just deals out a bunch of sensations that kind of feel horny even though they’re not technically stimulating the sexy bits. In no particular order (and with an invitation to add your own in the comments), here are some things that aren’t horny but feel horny. You’ll get what I mean.

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I’m horny and so everything I see looks like fucking. The boots that are lying jumbled in the corner of my bedroom look like a quick, bent-over fuck over an office desk. The couple snogging on the corner look like fucking. The hot guy behind the bar at the local pub with his raised eyebrow and tight t-shirt: he always looks like fucking, but even more so today. I’d normally seethe about the guys on the train playing music loudly from their tinny phone speakers, but they look like fucking right now too.

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