I don’t know if I’m allowed to just invent a piece of sex etiquette, like I’m the editor of NSFW Debrett’s, but if I were allowed to do that, I’d suggest an etiquette rule like this: if you’re fucking someone with a butt toy in, and you have the ability to hold it there while you pound them, you absolutely should. So for instance, if we’re fucking doggy-style, one hand laid on my butt with a steadying thumb against the base of the plug (not pushing in, just holding still) will calm my anxious mind and mean I can focus on the shag rather than the worry that I’m about to inadvertently shoot it across the room. This rule brought to you by a woman who – no matter how safe the butt plug or how secure it feels in my ass, the second you start to plough away I will immediately panic that my lubed-up arse might accidentally blast it at your stomach like a rocket launcher. My top concern with anal toys is not whether they’re going to get in, but whether they might just slip out. That was my key concern with the Hot Octopuss Plex, and why I tested it in ways that may seem silly to you, but which for me formed vital anxiety-calming prep before I (hopefully) get to use this during sex.

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I have never measured how many orgasms I can have in one day, but if I were to estimate I reckon my max would be hovering somewhere around double digits, but not much further than that. Ten or eleven feels like a decent achievement, but nothing I’d expect a medal for. Today’s guest blogger, however, definitely deserves a medal. When my site sponsor Hot Octopuss offered a selection of sex toys to bring people joy during lockdown, she pitched me the idea of using the Hot Octopuss AMO bullet vibrator to see how many orgasms she could have in a single day. The results are frankly so impressive that I think I need to turn over my ‘horny pervert’ card to her immediately. Please welcome @EasilyTempted, who put the AMO bullet vibe to excellent use in this epically wank-tastic guest blog.

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It’s time for another epic sex toy adventure, courtesy of my site sponsors Hot Octopuss. As regular readers will remember, they offered to send out some samples of their awesome sex toys to bring people joy during lockdown, and give them the chance to share their experiences here as guest blogs. Today I’m delighted to welcome Air (@boybecomesfree) who tried out the Hot Octopuss JETT with his partner, S. The JETT is a unique penis vibe that consists of two bullet vibrators and a silicone case to hold them against the head of your cock. The bullets vibrate at different frequencies – ‘treble’ giving high-frequency vibrations, and ‘bass’ giving lower-frequency, deep and rumbly vibes. This makes for some exceptional orgasms (as I can attest from my recent adventures with the Hot Octopuss Kurve, which uses the same tech), and what’s more the fact that the toy can be strapped to a dick also allows for some really fun orgasm control and edging scenarios. As Air found out, when S decided he could be tied down and edged with the Hot Octopuss JETT…

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I am not very good at saying ‘no’ to fun stuff. Some people have told me I have an ‘addictive personality’, but I think I just have no willpower. If something is available that gives me pleasure (cigarettes, dick, [redacted in case my Mum ever stumbles across this], wine, vodka, massively powerful wand vibrators, chocolate-covered peanuts, McCoy’s salt and vinegar crisps, etc etc etc) then I rarely have the inner strength to turn it down. So often the only way for me to avoid getting sucked in to unhealthy obsession with something is to avoid trying it in the first place. Unfortunately for me, Hot Octopuss is a sponsor of my website, so I was duty-bound to try out their new Kurve g-spot vibe: now I am addicted. Fuck you, Hot Octopuss.

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A while back, my site sponsors Hot Octopuss offered to bring some sex toy joy to lockdown by giving away a few of their awesome wank toys. As I’ve already written about many of Hot Octopuss’ kickass sex toys, I asked people to email me with fun new ideas on what they’d like to do with the sex toys on offer. Enter Tess, whose idea leapt out at me immediately, sitting as it does at the neat intersection of nerdery and hotness: she wanted to explore whether gaming with sex toys (i.e. playing her usual video games but with a Hot Octopuss Pulse vibe to distract her) could help her achieve some deliciously fun, edging-style orgasms. I think you’ll agree that although her gaming strategy fell by the wayside, the experiment was definitely worthwhile…

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