For those of you sitting in a comfortable office, wondering what your colleagues who work from home are getting up to, I can tell you that more often than not your suspicions are correct. We’re wanking.

Not all the time: we work as well. But consider all the time you spend distracting yourself from work by doing other things: making a cup of tea, eating biscuits, gossiping with colleagues about why you found a copy of so-and-so’s CV in the printer. We have some of these options (biscuits) but not others (gossip), so technically we have a fair amount of break time that can be dedicated to furious masturbation.

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