Amidst all this hate it can be tricky to remember that we’re supposed to be approaching the most loving day of the year. Valentine’s Day: when everyone who has someone is urged to go and blow a load of money to prove how deep their love is. Or just to show that they’re able to remember an arbitrary date. Or because there was a 2-for-1 offer on heart-shaped chocolates and they simply couldn’t resist. In my line of work, I’m generally expected to write something Valentines-y, ideally with a selection of unique Valentine’s Day gifts with which to surprise your loved ones.

However…

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You know how sometimes you have a fuck so amazing that you simply have to tell someone? Well, this week’s sex story comes from an anonymous reader, who needed to do just that. I’m going to keep my intro short and sweet, and just hand over to her to tell you about a fuck so hot I sort of want this guy’s number…

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How many different butt plugs does the average person need? My gut instinct would be to say two or three – so you have a bit of variety on size and material if you want it, but you’re not struggling for butt plug storage space. But then, as I was auditing my sex toy collection in preparation for writing a wish list, I realised that I have far more than three, and I still haven’t got all the different butt plugs I really want. My most used sex toy is the Doxy, and I’d cite floggers as my favourite thing to collect, but I have at least 5 different kinds of butt plug, and I still want more to complete my ideal set. They come in so many different varieties that I can illustrate exactly why I want so many. So although I suck at actually reviewing sex toys, I can definitely take you on a journey of all the different butt plugs I want. Ready? Let’s go.

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Have you ever been in the middle of something super hot only to have the person who was enthusiastically moaning two minutes earlier suddenly let out a snore? Congratulations, you’re definitely not alone. Between 40-50% of people I surveyed have fallen asleep during sex.

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As far as guest blog pitches go, I don’t think I’ve had any more unusual than the one which went ‘I know someone who’s fucked a rollercoaster and she might be up for writing about it – interested?’ OMG YES. More interested than you can possibly imagine. I’ve had sexy bus vibrations and more than my fair share of train horn, but nothing – NOTHING – I have experienced can compete with the powerful, G-force sexiness of @glitter_brawl‘s rollercoaster sex. Enjoy.

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