Tag Archives: illustrated

Guest blog: So I found out my boyfriend liked sploshing…

Sometimes you don’t share someone else’s kink, and you just want to leave it at that. Other times, you don’t share someone else’s kink but you really love exploring it with them because you want to find out exactly why it gets them so hot under the collar. This week’s guest blog, by a filthy girl who wishes to remain anonymous, is about the latter thing, and it’s an example of sex writing so powerful that as soon as I read it I had to have a vigorous shag to work through my horniness. What I’m saying is that this guest blog – about sploshing – is hotter than the actual sun.

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Summer sex: what do you do when it’s too hot to fuck?

Goths of the world, unite! Then disband again! Because actually it’s a little bit awkward meeting so many people! And we’re all a bit too warm in these clothes and we’d really rather be hiding in the basement!

I am shit at summer. I suck at being on the beach, I am appalling at barbecues, and although I can certainly appreciate a sweaty guy in a too-tight summer t-shirt, in general I find my libido plummeting with every increase in temperature.

It. Is. Shit.

Some bits of summer are passably good. Shall we go to sit in a pub beer garden? YES. Shall we have an ice-cream? YES. Shall we fuck like it’s the end of the world and our orgasm might stave off Armageddon? NO OH GOD FUCK OFF.

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Is a spitroast my sexual holy grail?

What is the ultimate, best kind of sex? Oh, sure, we all have our favourite positions and our ultimate fantasies: bucket-list fucks with hot celebrities or specific sex toys we’ve always wanted to try. I have plenty of these myself. But is there one thing, above all others, that I’d give my eye-teeth to do?

Yes.

I would like for two dudes to fuck me in a very specific way: the spitroast. And I don’t just mean me sucking on one gent while the other fucks me from behind. I mean a properly co-ordinated spitroast: all three of us moving in harmony, so that the force with which the first guy fucks my mouth pushes me more tightly back onto the other person’s dick.

And vice versa.

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A guy once offered to buy my used knickers

The first time someone put their face in my crotch and grinned at the strong, heady, end-of-the-day scent of my cunt, it was a bit of a revelation. I’d always assumed that the best state for a cunt to be in was clean as a whistle – and by clean I mean utterly stripped of character, cleansed, perfumed, and presented so perfectly that you wouldn’t be able to tell one neat one from another.

Uniformity and cleanliness: as if novelty and natural scent can never be as sexy as something personal.

Obviously that’s not true, and what’s more it’s a bit upsetting that we’re so often told to eradicate any hint of scent from our personal bits, lest our lovers should get their faces close and get to do that sexy *sniff* *sigh* thing that shows just how erotic our cunt smell can be.

Today I’m going to talk about knicker-sniffing, and I should warn you that this blog’s going to go into a fair bit of detail about dirty pants, as well as contain minor plot-based spoilers for Orange Is The New Black. Which is, umm, quite the combination.

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Guest blog: our own private mating season

I can’t remember when it was, but I hit a certain age and my parents and grandparents switched from ‘try not to get pregnant!’ to ‘quick, have babies NOW!’ My mind hasn’t quite followed their logic, but I am dimly aware that there are reasons to have sex alongside the fact that it’s really bloody fun, and this week’s guest blogger is going to tackle one of them. Namely: having sex in order to get pregnant.

His blog warmed the cockles of my otherwise ice-cold heart, and I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I did.

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