I am so excited to welcome Tess back to the guest blog! Her first piece was (and still is) one of my favourite ever sex toy posts. She tested out the Hot Octopuss PULSE (an incredible oscillating penis vibrator that can be used hands-free) to see if she could have an orgasm while playing computer games, and naturally ‘horny nerd stuff’ is very much  my cup of tea. Today she’s back with a blog that’s equally creative, even hotter, and comes with a really important lesson: the best sex doesn’t always happen spontaneously, the way a lot of media (my own porn often included!) might have you believe. Sometimes the best sex is a decade in the making, because the fuck itself rests on foundations of connection and understanding that are built over many many years. Thank you so much to Tess for sharing this stunning shag!

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I’m turning 40 this month. Which feels weird when I write it down like that – in my heart I am (and will always be) nineteen – just on the cusp of adulthood, excited for what it might bring. In reality, I’ve been an adult for longer than I was ever a child. I pay council tax! I have a bad back! I own three different types of spirit level! I wouldn’t normally announce my birthday on the blog, but because this one’s a biggie I thought it might be fun to mark it by throwing a virtual party – support me on Patreon (at any level) and sign up to the Zoom hangout on Sunday 24th March – 6-8pm UK time, though we may well go on longer than that if people want to. I’ll read you a selection of my favourite posts from the last 12.5 years of this blog, and we’ll drink stuff and chat and you can ask me anything you’d like to know about GOTN, the audio project, sex blogging and which of the many many exceptional cocks I’ve ingested over the years is my special absolute favourite. Meanwhile, here’s a random list of 40 things I’ve learned before the age of 40.

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We’re both quite sweaty, that’s the first thing. This picture is all the hotter because of that. There’s a light sheen on the side of his face, but I – as ever – am the sweatiest. Hair in wet curls plastered to my neck and forehead, the white shirt I’m wearing absolutely drenched to near transparency. The photo was taken at a fun, bouncy gig. We’d been dancing.

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Note: this post contains minor spoilers for the filthy scenes in Saltburn. Which I (obviously) loved. 

I’m not going to do it.

Damn right you’re not going to do it. 

Even though… there isn’t really any harm in doing it?

Don’t you dare do it.

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Today’s guest blog is a really beautiful story about a kinky relationship – an intimate look into how the writer’s love of kink grew alongside love for the person he was with. I found it very moving: love, lust, and loss given equal space and weight and importance in the piece. I saved it for the end of the year because it felt like such a perfect way to wrap up the guest blogs for 2023. Huge thanks to him for sharing. If you have a story or opinion you’d like to share, especially if you don’t often see your experiences/sexuality reflected here on the blog, I would absolutely love to hear from you in 2024.

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