The last time I had an orgasm was yesterday afternoon. Lying on the bed in the spare room with my jeans and knickers round my ankles, rubbing one out to the sounds in my head – of leather smacking on skin, and grunting, and dirty words.

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Please welcome back sex toy correspondent Luke aka @Beardynoise! A man who is on a quest to catalogue all possible types of wank spanning the entire human experience. After the roaring success of volume 1 of his Wankonomicon at the start of the month, he is back to give you more detail on new and different types of wank, as well as recommendations for excellent sex toys to use for each one. Today: the co-op wank, luxury wank and experimental wank… 

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A confession: when you’re out, sometimes I lie on your bed and bury my face in your bedsheets. Huffing the lingering scent of summer sweat like it’s perfumed roses or myrrh or forty-quid wine. I am creepy, so of course I sniff your bedsheets. And that’s not all I do.

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Please welcome back sex toy correspondent Luke aka @Beardynoise! He dropped by in May to give you the run-down on his favourite ever masturbator – the Tenga Flip Hole – and now I’ve asked him back to offer up some more sex toy recommendations, alongside giving a run-down of different ways to masturbate. Today: the business wank, the danger wank, and procrasturbation… 

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I used to be ambivalent about lube. OK, more than that: I used to be actively wary of it. As if using this substance represented a giant failure on my part to get my cunt wet. I used to feel as if lube was for anal, and only anal. But one of the things I’ve enjoyed most about my forays into the sex industry is just how ubiquitous lube is, and how many different uses there are for it. So let me pass on some of my learnings to you: unusual things to do with lube.

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