We live in anxious times, soundtracked by the constant, incessant ping of phones and laptops. Notifications are everywhere, bleeping and flashing and demanding a response. So how do we deal with it? Some people probably just switch their phones off or put them in a different room. People like me, though, write blog posts trying to explain ourselves to others in a desperate attempt to either make them forgive me or make them leave me alone. So with good and bad, selfish and silly and paranoid and everything in between, here are a few reasons I have not replied to your message.

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I bet sometimes Clark Kent wants to punch Superman. And I know this because I would happily punch Girl on the Net if she weren’t also basically me. I don’t hate her all the time, or even most of the time. But right now I hate her. And this is not the same thing as self-hate: it is richer and deeper and more intense. A purer kind of hatred, because GOTN isn’t me. She isn’t even real, so I can revel in the delicious satisfaction of hating her in the same way I can hate Voldemort.

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If you’re not a potential guest-blogger, this post will probably be very dull for you, so I apologise for taking up your time. Feel free to go and have a look through old guest blogs and read some of the incredible stories people have written here over the last five or six years. Seriously, do: there are so many incredible sexy guest blogs. Start at the beginning, or somewhere in the middle, if you’ve only begun reading this blog recently. If you’d like to submit a guest blog of your own, see below for new info on rates, topics and how to submit!

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I have a BONUS guest blog for you today, courtesy of the fab sex blogger The Other Livvy. She’s teaming up with some other sex bloggers for a ‘Smutathon’ – writing dirty stories for two excellent charitable causes.

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I am often told that ‘offence is not given, it’s taken’, as if offence can only ever matter to the people who feel it. Like it’s a substance magicked out of thin air whenever someone is being thin-skinned. The ‘offence is not given, it’s taken’ argument is usually rolled out when someone is trying to make the person who is criticising them look petty or dramatic. But in my experience offence is rarely taken: it is assigned.

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