I’ve written another book.

Four words feels like all I can manage right now, but I’ll try to elaborate before I curl up in a corner and sleep for a week.

For the last six-ish months, I’ve been writing a new book – it’s about relationship expectations, sex and romance myths, and a whole bunch of other things including why it’s hard to fuck in a spreader bar without falling over, and why mental health issues can sometimes cock up your sex life. It’s a love story for people who don’t really believe in love stories, and hopefully a decent response to those relatives who ask ‘when are you going to settle down?’ If you’ve read my first book, it also answers the question I’m most frequently asked about that one – what happened to number 26?

I’ll have more info on it closer to publication, but for now I’ve only just finished the first draft, and I am in a state of total collapse, so I won’t give you all the details right now. It’s really hard to write about it without sounding like I’m boasting, and it’s also hard not to boast without sounding terse, but suffice to say this is intensely, desperately exciting for me, and also scary, because I really want you all to love it.

It’s going to be published by Blink, who are amazing and brilliant, and I have met lots of their team already (they gave me wine! And listened to me bang on about the merits of going to a spanking party versus watching series 2 of Orange is the New Black!). It’ll also be IN PRINT. This wouldn’t have happened without my agent, Lorella Belli, who is spectacular in every way, or Emily Thomas, my editor at Blink, who has actually made my day/week/month/year… sod it… life.

THANK YOU

I’ll do a whole bunch of thank yous in the bit at the end of the book in which I get to thank people, but for now I just want to say that I have been an appalling human for the last six months, as I stress and worry and hide away to write, and ditch plans last minute and cock up deadlines, so massive thank you to everyone who’s been so supportive, and helped me through it.

Not just my real-life mates, who’ve been amazing, but everyone on Twitter and Facebook and via email and comments on this blog, who has been kind enough to understand when I haven’t been able to respond quickly, and offered virtual hugs and nice words and all that stuff. And especially all the people I freelance for, who’ve been lenient when I haven’t been able to take on extra work, and so kind. You’re all awesome, and I’m incredibly lucky.

On a practical note, if I owe you an email I’m going to Get On It early next week (I need a few days rest, sorry), and if you do want me to work for you (freelance writing, consultancy, all that jazz), I’ve now got time to take on some more, so if you have money and you’d like some words, get in touch.

Buy books and stuff

I’ll let you know asap when it’s available for pre-order: if you subscribe to this blog I’ll make sure to tell you as soon as it’s available. You don’t have to have read my first book in order to read the second, but if you’d like to read book 1, which is basically a torrid history of all the people I’ve ever shagged, along with a few rants about why we shouldn’t be ashamed of being horny, please do buy it now because it’s relatively cheap and I have no idea if/when the price will go up.

I suspect I’ll have a lot of rewrites and tweaks and stuff to do, and I’m also going to do something SUPER FUN to celebrate the new book. I’ll tell you about it soon, but first: sleep.

* GOTN collapses into a pile on the floor*

Apparently I have a habit of running competitions that cause a lot of admin. But this time it’s admin of the good kind, because I now have a list of hundreds of brilliant books by women, as recommended by people in the competition entries. Perhaps reflecting my ‘lovely sexy nerd’ demographic, there are plenty of erotic and sci-fi suggestions on the list. There were also over 400 recommendations in total, with over 270 individual authors suggested and over 330 individual titles. There’s something for everyone: have a look.

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Edited to add: the next Eroticon is in March 2017. If you’re thinking of coming, subscribe to the newsletter so you’ll be alerted when tickets are available. 

I never go to events. I am shy, which is a euphemism for ‘I shit myself about anonymity, get so anxious that I have to drink to calm down, and end up making some kind of fuck-up that’ll lead to a post-event meltdown two days later.’ So: I never go to events.

Except this one.

Last year, the awesome Ruby Kiddell, who runs Eroticon, told me to come along as a test. “If you’re not comfortable with it, that’s cool. But if you are then you have to speak at it next year. Deal?” And last year it was so amazing that I couldn’t possibly not go this year.

I’m going to do a run-down below, and a much fuller write-up in next month’s ETO magazine, but first here’s a thing: if you’re a sex writer, blogger, or in any way involved in sex writing, start saving now for next year’s. Honestly, truly, madly, deeply, etc. I met so many amazing people last year and this year, and I would love to meet more amazing people in 2016. What’s more, if you want to write for money, your first offers of work will most likely begin over coffee at Eroticon. Need more reasons? Click the relevant section below.

If you’re a company (sex toys, erotic publishers, literally any company who could benefit from working with sex writers) then put Eroticon sponsorship in your 2016 budget. Now. Put it in. Go on – I’ll wait here until you’ve done it. Why? Because there are people at Eroticon who you won’t meet anywhere else. And there are ideas being kicked around that other companies will pick up if you aren’t around to grab them. And because this year the boss of Doxy was greeted in the pub as if he were a cross between a celebrity and a national hero, and that’s the kind of relationship that you can’t buy with a banner ad. Need more reasons? Click the relevant section below.

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It seems a bit shameless to write a blog post like this, but here’s the deal: I have a couple of cool discount codes that mean you can get money off awesome sex toys, and I thought I’d give them a plug. Why? Because sex toys are fun, and my sponsors (SexToys in the UK and SheVibe in the US) give me money to help keep this blog going. If you buy stuff from them, they’ll hopefully keep giving me money, so that I can write more hot stories for you to read while you test out whatever cool things you’ve just bought.

So here goes: if you’re in the UK, use the code HEAT10 and you’ll get 10% off at SexToys. If you’re in the US (or, indeed, Canada or Australia) use the code GIRLONNET and you’ll get 10% off at SheVibe.

What if I can’t buy stuff? If you’re outside the shipping areas for either of those shops, then I’m sorry about that and I’m working on finding ways to get cool discount sex toys to you too. If you can’t afford to buy anything, then that sucks and I’m sorry, and I’m not expecting you to. If you want to support my blog without buying things I’d very much appreciate you sharing any of my posts on Facebook or Twitter, or subscribing to my feed.

Where does the money go? It goes towards keeping the blog going (hosting costs, running costs, that kind of thing), paying my fantastic illustrator Stuart, and paying the amazing guest bloggers who – I think – make this blog a gazillion times better than it’d be otherwise. The rest goes towards me, and the food, electricity, books and other things that I buy.  Any time you click on a banner ad, or post link, and buy discount sex toys, you’re helping me do all this, and I’m incredibly grateful.

This is more of a note than a blog post – I’d have done it in a better way but I’m surprisingly bad at wrangling WordPress. Normal blogging service will resume tomorrow, with something incredibly dirty and submissive that I’ve had in draft for a while. 

 

 

I’ve seen and read a lot of stuff in my life that was shocking. From the mild things that made me feel a bit queasy, to the more extreme stuff that has given me the shakes or prevented me from sleeping. However, I’m lucky enough that I don’t have PTSD, or any other significant issues that would cause me to be seriously affected by this. The worst I get is anxiety, and that’s more related to my to-do list than my reading habits.

So. Lucky me.

If you’d asked me five years ago whether we should print trigger warnings on books, films, and other media, in order to warn people who could be seriously adversely affected, I’d probably have accused you of trying to sneak in some censorship. What’s more, as a sex writer I’d have told you that my sexual fantasies are sometimes dark, and that you should take that as read when you read this blog.

Surprise! I was wrong.

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