Sluts, eh? We’re incorrigible. No sooner do we read about someone holding their spunk in for 30 days in order to deliver an epic cum shot than we’re persuading people in our own lives to try abstinence so we can experience an epic load of our own. That’s what happened in this week’s guest blog, as the frankly heroic @girlinjail – after reading about how my toyboy gallantly partook in No Nut November and then painted my insides with jizz – persuaded the husband in a couple she’s fucking to try abstaining from orgasm so that she could experience an entire month’s worth of cum. You’ve met this couple – Mike and Elly – before, when Girl in Jail persuaded them to try jump-humping (another heroic endeavour which resulted in that rocket-fuel hot guest blog). And you’ve also read some of GJ’s other adventures too, when she tried out the Electrastim KIX. Now you get to join me in falling at her feet to worship her newest and sexiest guest post: the culmination of Mike’s abstinence, as Elly watches Girl in Jail get covered in a month’s worth of cum. Truly, honestly: we are not fucking worthy.

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Sometimes I get comments on sex stories I tell where people ask ‘where’s the orgasm?’ I don’t always report orgasms like I’m making a tally chart of who came when and how, because for me the cum shot isn’t always the main event. This post though? Oh yeah this post, I promise the cum shot will come.

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This story could start at a number of different points. It could begin on the first of December, with me marching through a rainstorm along a muddy canal path, determined not to be late to meet the lovely man who’d promised to fill me with spunk. I could start it a bit earlier, in November, with PMs back-and-forth about sexual frustration and oceans of jizz. But really it begins on October 31st, with a message I sent to this dude which said: ‘Are you doing NNN this year?’

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I’m not a fan of No Nut November (the month-long challenge where people try not to wank for reasons that vary from ‘fine’ to ‘oh God please stop spewing falsehoods about wanking harming your brain’). I like wanking and I dislike people who try to make others feel ashamed or broken because they enjoy a hand shandy. However, there is one huge benefit to the end of No Nut November that I haven’t yet dwelled upon for fear I’ll end up trapped in a horn spiral for the whole of lockdown. Namely: how much fucking jizz there’ll be when everyone who is partaking in it joins a massive beat-one-out party at 12:01 on December 1st.

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Are you sitting at your computer with one hand down your pants, listening to your smoke alarm go off and wondering if you can get another quick wank in before the house burns down around you? Yeah, you’re probably wanking too much. If you’re reading one of the many articles that have been published recently with a title along the lines of ‘could you be masturbating too much?’ and picking over your masturbation habits in detail to try and ascertain whether you might have a problem, then congratulations: you probably don’t.

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