I am not very good at saying ‘no’ to fun stuff. Some people have told me I have an ‘addictive personality’, but I think I just have no willpower. If something is available that gives me pleasure (cigarettes, dick, [redacted in case my Mum ever stumbles across this], wine, vodka, massively powerful wand vibrators, chocolate-covered peanuts, McCoy’s salt and vinegar crisps, etc etc etc) then I rarely have the inner strength to turn it down. So often the only way for me to avoid getting sucked in to unhealthy obsession with something is to avoid trying it in the first place. Unfortunately for me, Hot Octopuss is a sponsor of my website, so I was duty-bound to try out their new Kurve g-spot vibe: now I am addicted. Fuck you, Hot Octopuss.

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As far as feats of sexual contortionism go, I thought Oxy had climbed the giddiest possible height when he wrote this guest blog about managing to suck his own cock. But I was wrong. Self-administered oral sex, it turns out, isn’t just for those with dicks. Today, Sara Cane (@saracanewrites) has a blow-by-blow (or should that be ‘lick-by-lick’?) account of how she used to lick her own clit. The whys, the hows, and the wildly impressive feats of self-contortion.

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I am fuckdrunk yet again. My legs are limp and my muscles weak and my throat is parched and all I can feel is the throbbing satisfaction in my cunt. For a split second I wonder if I’m making poor decisions, then I realise that fuckdrunk me could not possibly care less. Thinking straight is not as fun as being high on dick.

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There’s usually a moment during a fuck where I can sense a change in pace from the dude who is fucking me: a slight increase in speed, or a pause, that can mean he’s on the verge of coming. At this point, what I really want to do is start begging for cum. Tell him ‘please god yes fucking squirt your cum inside me.’ But it’s a pretty risky strategy.

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I’m excited to welcome Ariadne this week, who is here to talk to you about discovering her sexual self with an escort. Since the age of 18, Ariadne had a condition called vaginismus, where the vaginal muscles contract in reaction to any kind of penetration. It is estimated that it affects 2 in every 1000 people, although it is still not commonly discussed. Ariadne’s post is about how her time with an escort helped her to discover sex she truly loved. Although not on Twitter, she is keen to help spread awareness around Vaginismus and would like to direct anyone who’d like to know more to The Vaginismus Network.

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