I’m rarely guilty of lying – at least intentionally. While I probably fuck up a fair few of my stories, and invent dialogue where I forgot the actual words, I lack the imagination to tell a properly whopping lie. But I am definitely guilty of editing stories depending on the audience – usually when I’m talking about watching porn with a partner.

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This is a fantasy about a porn cinema that I wrote ages ago, for reasons I can’t remember. I like things that are simultaneously sexy and grotesque – like the blow job/dripping sandwich fantasy. That’s my way of saying the following story might be weird. And maybe disturbing. And creepily voyeuristic. Alternatively it might not be, and the fact I’ve waited six months to publish it has been a complete waste of my mental energy.

If you asked me to write my own future, I would write the following story. Then you’d wish you’d never asked, and I’d have to burn it, and we probably wouldn’t be friends any more because the whole thing would get awkward.

Anyway. Some erotic fiction. Or a disturbing vision of my distant future. Don’t judge me. Let’s go. 

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This post includes discussion of coercion and non-consent. If you give a shit about spoilers, it also contains details of episodes 2 and 3 of SexFactor. 

It’s a reality show in which wannabe porn stars compete to complete challenges which include anything from sultry poses to full-on fucking: of course I have watched ‘Sex Factor’. I usually avoid Xhamster, but this show has had a huge amount of press attention, so I couldn’t really not.

And I have very, very, VERY strong feelings about it.

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It’s really hard to write anything this morning that isn’t just ‘DREAMS OF SPANKING’, because I am struggling to contain my excitement and delight: Dreams of Spanking is BACK. Pandora Blake, after a long and arduous fight against UK porn censorship, has now won the battle, and her incredible site – Dreams of Spanking – will soon be back online.

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Here goes: a round-up of some things you need to read. Which I’m switching to Friday because, hey, who wants to do work on Friday when you could instead be reading about feminism, censorship and condoms?

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