Today’s guest blog is something a little different, because I really want to introduce you to the fabulous person behind The Pleasure Garden – an awesome ethical sex toy shop that sponsors my website. If you’d like to buy stuff you can use the code GOTN10 for 10% off anything they stock, but I’m not trying to actively sell you anything here, I just wanted to introduce you to someone cool: Francesca Cross, who runs it. I have written about a number of fantastic Pleasure Garden products over the years, from restraints kits to g-spot vibes, and door cuffs to doppelganger dicks. And whenever I have a catch-up with Francesca to talk about what I could review next, we always end up in a fascinating sidebar about the challenges involved in trying to carve an ethical path through the adult industry: how to improve accessibility, how to make sure the toys in stock are body safe, how to write copy for websites in a way that is inclusive and never shaming. I thought you lot might like to see a glimpse behind the scenes, and meet someone awesome who is working to do exactly that. So I interviewed Francesca! Grab a cup of tea and learn about running an ethical sex toy shop in the UK…

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This deliciously hot erotic story is written and read by Tabitha Rayne. Note: in fantasy we can do things we wouldn’t in real life. Combining driving and sex is one of them. This is a dangerous activity and you should not do it . Obviously do wank about it though because this story is hot as hell.

He thinks we don’t do it enough. And by it, you know I mean sex. Bonking. Shagging. The glue that sets our relationship apart from all the other relationships in our lives. It’s true. We don’t. He might think we don’t, but I know we don’t. You know how it goes, a houseful of kids, pets, oldies, responsibilities, by the time we flop exhausted on to the sofa, barely enough energy to agree on a boxset, we’re fucked. And not in a good way.

So once every two months, I book us a very expensive room in a very expensive hotel. A different one every time. Some are sexier than others, but ALL are sexier than our own shabby messy bedroom, which is certainly not conducive to seduction in any form. How we ended up with all these damn kids is anyone’s guess.

So it’s time.

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I often get blood on the bedsheets. When I’m fucking someone and I’m due on my period, especially if they have a relatively long dick or we’re shagging in a position that gives depth, sometimes I bleed when we’re fucking. I don’t always notice, because it doesn’t hurt, so I often get blood on the bedsheets. It’s not the end of the world because humans are basically just weird bags of flesh and rocks and liquid, and sometimes when you’re shagging those liquids might spill out in ways that mean you have to do more laundry. It’s the cost of doing business, if you’re in the business of having lovely sex a lot of the time, and I don’t think it’s an onerous one. If the sex is good, then a bit of blood isn’t a huge price to pay – in fact, it’s a fucking bargain. I’m going to tell you two stories about blood on the bedsheets, each one involving a different man. And hopefully in doing so I’m going to illustrate one way to keep shame out of your bedroom, and show why I feel so strongly about banishing shame from my own.

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You know how, when you go to look up a recipe online, most of the recipes are interwoven with some tangential story about the chef’s life? Have you ever read one of those and thought ‘man, I wish there was a version of this kind of recipe-blogging but instead of being whimsical and wholesome it was outrageously horny?’. Well have I got the guest blog for you! This stunningly sexy post – with accompanying recipe for cinnamon rolls – is by Tess, who has written some gorgeous guest blogs here before. One about she and her wife having the best sex of their lives, and another about gaming while the Hot Octopuss Pulse dispenses incredibly-distracting orgasms. You’re probably thinking ‘wow, how can she top either of these?’ and the answer is ‘with flour, butter, sugar, and some intensely powerful sex.’ Enjoy!

The recipe is real, by the way. Even if you don’t have a loved one to get cum-sticky with right now, you can absolutely make some cinnamon rolls. 

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As is now traditional, when Christmas rolls round I like to use my one superpower (being incredibly horny) to remind you about the amazing companies who help to keep the lights on here at GOTN HQ. Basically what I’m about to do is give a run-down of the awesome folks who support my work here, and tease you with fun suggestions about ways to use their products/services in your own bedroom. If you’re in the market for sexy Christmas gifts – for a loved one or yourself – you should consider stealing one of my excellent horny ideas, and buying from these people who have been instrumental in bringing you the smut I churn out each year. If you aren’t in the market for them right now, then I hope you’ll read on anyway for the hot kicks and kinky tricks.

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