The thing you need to know about men – perhaps not ALL men, but nearly all the men that I’ve ever had the pleasure of fucking into a sticky paste – is that they love explaining things. If you happen to be a horny, slutty woman who wants to get it on with a man, in my opinion the best way to achieve that is to find a topic that he has expertise on, or a nerdy fascination with, and ask him to explain it to you. Today’s blog begins on my living-room floor: this dude and I are sitting cross-legged eating Doritos and vaping giggly weed while he explains to me the plot of Final Fantasy.

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One of the questions I get asked the most about being a sex blogger is ‘does your family know what you do?’ The answer is ‘yes’, although the extent of what they know depends on the family member, and how close I am to them. If we’re really close, like my Mum and I, then I won’t just tell them that I’m a blogger, I’ll also tell them about some of the things I’m excited about publishing, or the details of my working week (recently part of my job has consisted of watching and writing about this awesome FrolicMe film! I’ll get PAID for having done that! Pinch me!). Naturally this leads to curiosity, and that’s how I’ve ended up having some extremely frank conversations with my Mum and stepdad about kinks.

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I’m not going to call this a ‘guilty’ pleasure because it’s just a pleasure, but I’m a sucker for problem pages. I adore reading about the trials of other people’s lives, and soaking up the often-very-wise advice they receive. I also enjoy mining them for content, because sometimes I’ll find a letter that addresses a topic I really want to talk about. Or in today’s case, some advice that I want to rip to pieces. Today: an advice columnist berates a woman for destroying her marriage because she’s decided she doesn’t want children! Yay!

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I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but I’ve been trying extremely hard not to write anything about my ex-boyfriend lately. Although I wrote a post about endings which I shared with people on Patreon, I didn’t publish that here in public and there’s been only one thing on the break-up diaries tag since the summer. Please dispense medals and cookies accordingly! Then immediately snatch those medals and cookies back, because inevitably I’m about to have some Big Feelings about him in this post! I’m allowing myself a quick burst of emotion for reasons that I won’t fully explain, but which I will try to justify with excuses that sound poetic but are only half the story. Getting over a break-up involves a lot of waffling and emotional incontinence! Strap in!

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Recently I wrote the easiest guide to dirty talk in the English-speaking world. I am a fan of trying to simplify sex things to get more people on board with doing them, and I am quite proud of that guide – I reckon people who’ve never talked dirty before might find it useful. I thought I’d have a go at doing something similar for sex comms more generally. And this one’s even simpler: all you need is three words. One phrase. Learn it, and get instantly better at sexual communication. Ready? Brace yourself…

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