I’ve been honoured to host some fab guest blogs on ethical nonmonogamy over the years – like this guide on how to cultivate compersion or this lovely piece about the realities of open relationships. Often, though, it’s as intriguing to learn from other people’s mistakes as their successes. So just as I’ve tried to write guides on how to be bad in bed before, this week’s guest blogger, Alex, is here to tell you how not to do polyamory. Or in his own words…

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When he asked me what I wanted, as my reward for winning the game, I think he expected me to demand pleasure. Orgasms, delivered by hand and vibrator, or his wet lips wrapped round my nipples. Maybe a good, hard fuck bent over the sofa. Instead I asked him for pain. “Whip me,” I told him.

Note, this post makes references to That Fucking Virus and These Weird Times.

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Do you remember the last time you cancelled plans for a night out? Or the last time someone invited you to a party and your kneejerk reaction was to sigh and lament how far you’d have to drag yourself out of town? Remember the last time a friend was in your area and invited you out for coffee, and you fumbled in your brain for an excuse because you were tired and hungover?

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This week’s guest blogger is doing sterling work filling a gap in the market on advice and info. As he was getting his own vasectomy, he realised that there were far fewer personal accounts of the vasectomy procedure than there were for other forms of birth control – like post explaining IUD implantation, or the side effects of the pill. You do get occasional posts from heroic people who are happy to share their own vasectomy stories, but they’re few and far between (that link is the only one off the top of my head I can think of, someone else linked me to this video on non-surgical vasectomy – share yours in the comments if you have one too!). Having been through the process himself, this week’s guest blogger Big Spoon wanted to share his own experience with you: what it was like getting a vasectomy, the recovery afterwards, and answers to questions that I know blog readers will have like ‘how long until you can wank?’ and ‘at what point after a vasectomy do you find out it’s safe to have unprotected sex?’ Take it away Big Spoon…

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This week’s guest blogger is Violet Grey (@v_greyauthor), a submissive feminist. As a straight submissive feminist myself, I’ve often had to deal with people who believe that’s an oxymoron. How can I be feminist yet also enjoy getting spanked by a man? Over the years I’ve given different answers, refining and explaining as I learn more about my own sexual desires and the ways in which the world tries to police them. I’m delighted to welcome Violet Grey today to give her own answer, as well as kick back against some of the toxic ideas that we need to challenge when we’re thinking about submission within relationships.

 Note: this post will discuss a few concepts that may be disturbing to some of you, including the ‘TradWife’ movement, religious policing of bodily autonomy and marital rape. 

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