Tag Archives: sex advice
10 Things Women Do In Bed That Men HATE
When it comes to making broad, ridiculous generalisations about relationships, you can’t beat a good bit of clickbait. Recently I gave some brilliant advice on things men do in bed that women hate, and I imagine since then that all men have stopped doing these things and everyone in a straight relationship has breathed a sigh of relief. So because I’m a fan of equality here’s the opposite: 10 things women do in bed that men hate.
Naturally all men have identical sexual tastes, which I have discerned via magic, so the best way for you to cater to your partner’s sexual tastes is to take advice from me, even though you have never met me and cannot be entirely sure I’m not making the whole thing up. Still, you can tell that my advice is sound because I have numbered my tips from 1-10, and that is how facts work. (more…)
Two things: a video of nerdy guys fighting, and some bad sex advice
Two things you should check out this week. In the ‘bad’ column: some truly appalling sex advice. Then to cheer you up: a hot Youtube video of nerdy boys having a fight.
“The best blow job” will haunt me forever
A few weeks back, I gave the best blow job I’ve ever given. Apparently. I don’t like writing that down so starkly – it’s far easier to talk about how mediocre I am in bed, or how incompetent I am with certain sex toys.
But I’m writing it because the sentence itself will spin round in my head forever. I don’t want anyone to tell me that anything was ‘the best blow job ever’, because I’m primed to root through any compliment until I eventually find a negative. And so this week I’m tortured by this one simple fact:
None of my other blow jobs were as good as that one.
How to get over heartbreak
Start with a super-sad song. One you’ve played over and over before, but never fully wept to. Put it on loudly and sit somewhere you usually don’t. The carpet. The bath. The filthy kitchen floor.
Then, grab something comforting. Chocolate, biscuits, wine, all of the above. Consume them while staring blankly into space, imagining that somewhere someone else is doing the same. Feel the weight and pain of all the shattering hearts that exist on the same planet.
Cry.
First time anal sex: how not to do it
Someone found my blog the other day by searching ‘first time anal.’ It’s quite common, this ‘first time’ thing, and it comes up a lot in search. ‘My first anal’ or ‘her first facefuck’, like someone’s researching an incredibly explicit series of picture books. Anyway, the search prompted me to think about first times, and it occurred to me that while there are a few first times in my book, I’ve not actually written about ‘my first anal fuck’ before. Mainly because… well… it wasn’t particularly sexy.
The first time I had anal sex was down to 50% curiosity (me) and 50% ‘you’re on your period so how about we…?’ (him). Please forgive him for this – we were both young and silly, and he was still getting over the slight horror that came from discovering that menstrual blood sometimes has chunks in. If I met a guy these days who assumed that buttsex was the only possible option while I was bleeding, I would kick him out on his arse, but back then it was not considered weird for him to ask, and I think he was bored of me practising blow jobs.
Besides, I was very keen on the idea. I was still in the kid-in-a-sweetshop phase of sex, wanting to try every new thing I’d heard of to see if it worked for me.
It didn’t.
Just writing that seems a bit strange, because now anal is one of my favourite things. So what went wrong?