When I first requested a cute little butt plug starter kit from my site sponsor WhippleTickle (seamless promo, well done me) I had a plan in mind: I knew exactly who I’d use it with, and how. But for reasons I’ll explain later, that won’t happen now. So I basically have two options if I want to fulfill my promise to one of the kind companies that helps keep the lights on here at GOTN HQ. I could write you a straight-up review where I give this product marks out of ten based on basic details or… write two thousand words of horny butt plug porn then chuck a link and discount at the end for you to click when you’re all done wanking. And… you know… have you met me?

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This fantasy is written and read aloud as audio by Blake (aka Pandora Blake) who runs the incredible Dreams of Spanking website. Blake is one of my adult industry heroes – they create fabulous queer, kinky content, fight against industry censorship, and they’re also one of the first people I ever worked with in this industry. I owe so much of my knowledge and passion to them. A while ago Blake and I collaborated on a couple of really fun interviews – you can find one half on my Patreon here and the other on Blake’s Patreon over here. As part of that collaboration we also exchanged a few audio porn stories to be published on each other’s websites. I shared some of my spankier fantasies with Dreams, and they shared some stunning spanking fantasy erotica with me as well. On top of this, Blake very kindly let me publish this fantastic extract from the first draft of their book on erotic fantasies. It’s dark and raw and – thanks to Patreon terms and conditions – impossible to publish over there or as part of the Patreon-funded audio project. Hence why it’s going up here in the guest blog slot. I’m so honoured that Blake is up for sharing this piece, and I hope that reading or listening to it gives you a taste of why I’m such a fan of their style: embracing and accepting the taboo things that our sexual selves often desire, while understanding the clear line between our fantasies and reality. Note that this story includes themes of implied non-consent and sex slavery, bondage, severe corporal punishment and penetration – particularly anal penetration with a biological cock. 

Impossible fantasies

Our earliest fantasies often have so much longevity because they arose during a time characterised by intense pubescent longing. Our first crushes, the first glimpses of another person which turned us on – all these are memories of wanting something we couldn’t have.

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This fabulous true story about being primed to fuck is written by Charlotte Bayes and read as audio by Sherryl Blu. Note that this story contains some consensual choking and rough sex.

Have you ever been really really fucked? Like the type of fucking you see in films or porn, where you are just left a shell of the person you once were, and you can’t move or speak. You’ve had the world’s best orgasms and the earth has been shattered? That was my holy grail, which I obtained last week.

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I’ve got a bunch of Godemiche wand heads that I’ve been meaning to write about for a while. Don’t ask me how long, it’s genuinely embarrassing how much time it has taken me to write up this not-a-review. I’ve had a pack of colourful heads sitting on my bedroom floor just itching to be opened and used, but because I had a selection of different types and textures, I wanted to have a go at using all of them a few times so I could work out how best to describe what exactly they do. It’s complicated, fun, and requires a little (OK, a lot) of explanation about different types of clitoral stimulation.

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I’m absolutely gleeful about today’s guest post, team! And not just because it has one of the best closing lines of any guest blog I’ve ever published, but also because the message is something we could all do with hearing. We have all been given various cultural scripts about what sex is and how we should be doing it, often feeling like we’re ‘doing sex wrong’ if things don’t happen for us the way they do for characters in porn, TV, films, and elsewhere in our cultural stories. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time you’ll know that un-learning these scripts (unpicking, unpacking, dismantling, rewriting) is a valuable thing to do in order to embrace our true desires. But how the hell does one go about doing that? Today’s fabulous guest blogger explains her search for good sex…

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