A while ago when I was struggling for blog ideas, Betty Butch suggested a round-up of the hottest posts I’ve ever written. I love this suggestion, not just because it allows me to openly engage in the kind of shameless self-promotion I’d usually have to shoehorn in subtly, but also because ‘hottest posts’ is such a subjective measure that it gives me the chance to pick from a few different types.

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Google Trends tells me that people only really began searching ‘lolly vagina’ in earnest in July 2022. Yet as long ago as 2019, we were being warned in The Metro not to put lollies in our vaginas to try and cool down. The Mirror, too, chipped in by reiterating the warnings. As did Grazia. In 2020, when most of us were busy trying not to catch the plague, the Daily Star reminded us to also remain vigilant against frostbite on our fannies. Now, as a deadly heatwave grips the UK, the links and warnings start circulating again, with new outlets chiming in to help curb what appears to be a trend of people shagging ice pops to try and stay cool in the heat. I imagine these will only increase exponentially as climate change continues to radically alter the make-up of the planet while the people in power make token gestures that aren’t even close to enough. But how useful are these warnings? Are people actually putting ice lollies in their vaginas? What are the risks? And most importantly… why can’t I fuck an ice lolly if I want to?

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This week’s guest blogger is the fabulous Valery North – a fellow sex blogger who has written beautifully here before about the way haes body’s sexual response has changed over time, as well as shared a gorgeous extract from haes book – ‘Not to choose‘. Valery got in touch recently to let me know hae’d tried out a cool and unique toy from one of my site sponsors. Having dreamt of discovering a rimming sex toy for a while, how would hae get on with this kickass little licking simulator? Read on to find out…

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This fabulous adventure with the Sex Scientist featuring a pink pussy pump is written by EL Byrne of Lustitude, and originally appeared on her website. It is read here by Girl on the Net. 

“If you order more stuff, look for some pussy pumping device,” his text read.

“You want me to order one if I find?” I typed, my mind already whirling with possibilities.

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“I’ve been thinking of getting a cock ring,” my toyboy tells me, and I nearly reach through the screen and grab him by the collar as I bark: “do not even think about getting one that isn’t the Atom Plus Lux.” It’s the best vibrating cock ring I’ve ever used, by quite some margin, and my heart breaks at the thought of his burgeoning enthusiasm for sex toys being dampened by any lesser item. Besides, alongside other benefits of dating me (like my high-quality jokes and love of sucking cock), there are practical perks to dating a sex blogger too, namely: I’ll get you free cock rings if you flutter your eyelashes nicely.

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