Hi, sorry, excuse me, yeah sorry to bother you. It’s just I’ve been thinking quite a lot lately about all the different ways to cum at the end of a wank, and I thought/hoped you might be interested in this list. I have ranked all the possible spaff-styles in order of how hot they are for me to see/imagine. Before I begin, it’s important to note that every single one of these methods is hot: the baseline here is not ‘not hot’, the baseline is ‘let me watch you do it and my cunt will gush,’ but for what it’s worth, here they are in order.

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Sometimes I get to use my powers for good, and those are the funnest times. Today’s guest blogger (whose funny, sexy, brilliant work can be found over at her blog – Girl In Old School Trouble) got in touch with me recently to ask about e-stim. Was it good? Was it fun? Could she potentially have her first e-stim orgasm? And it happened to coincide with my lovely site sponsor ElectraStim having recently launched an entry-level stim pack – the ElectraStim KIX – plus a set of silicone finger pads that seem perfect for wanking. How did Girl In Old School Trouble get on with them? I had a hell of a lot of fun finding out…

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I’ve often said you can tell how good a sex toy is by how much effort you’re willing to go to in order to use it. If you’ve got a new vibrator but you left it drying by the sink in the bathroom, and couldn’t be arsed to go and get it before settling into a bedroom wank, chances are that isn’t destined to be your number one sex toy. Conversely, if you are willing to spend fully twenty three minutes trying to turn on a half-broken Zumio (as I did this one time), you know that toy is the star around which your best wanks orbit. By this rule, the Hot Octopuss Atom Plus was always going to be a firm favourite, because wrestling it onto a dick and then turning it on took a bit more time than your average cock ring, as did adjusting the settings once it was in place. The buttons were on the side of the cock ring, and you couldn’t easily press them while you were in the middle of banging. Despite the slight faff, my ex and I played with this toy A LOT – each and every fuck with it was a shining and filthy success. Time spent on fiddling with buttons was time very well spent. Luckily, spending so much time with someone’s dick outside of you so you can mess around with the intensity buttons is no longer necessary: Hot Octopuss have just relaunched the Atom Plus cock ring as the Atom Plus Lux, WITH A REMOTE.

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I am so delighted to welcome Laura Savage (@thatlaurasavage) back to the blog! Last time she was here she shared a joyful, playful, hot story about one of her clients who had a bond villain kink, and the kickass ways she helped him fulfil it. Today, another client, a different kink: one which I’ve always been nervous of yet curious to try. What’s it like getting spanked with vampire gloves? Reading how hot this post is, maybe I should reconsider my nerves…

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A good friend won’t raise eyebrows if they turn up at your house and there’s a fuckmachine assembled in your office. A great friend will offer to babysit your fucking machine while you’re looking for somewhere to live. The latest Kink of the Week topic is fucking machines, so I expect a lot of people will be dreaming of having a vigorous robotic fuckpony of their very own. Here’s my pitch as to why, if you can’t afford one yourself, you should consider buying one on a timeshare with your pervy mates.

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