I’ve written about the Zumio before, and it’s rare that I cover a sex toy more than once (unless it’s a sex machine or is made by Doxy or is something I’ve lovingly customised like the Fleshlight Launch… oh OK I guess I do cover lots of sex toys more than once) but this is one of the best sex toys I have ever owned, and it just came down in price – from $140 to $98, and I have three stories about the lengths I will go to if I am deprived of Zumio action which I’ve been itching to publish for a while. It’s a fun, fuckable, now slightly-more-affordable sex toy, and I am powerfully in lust with it, so let’s get stuck in: three reasons why you should buy a Zumio.

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It’s Masturbation Month! You know what that means? It means that I get to spend a very pleasant afternoon cooking up dirty stories with which to entertain and inspire you to wank (if you want to), while simultaneously showing a bit of well-deserved love to the excellent companies that sponsor my site and support my work. Regular readers will know that a similar hot wank fantasies exercise last year turned out to be one of the most popular posts of 2019, perhaps because all the stories are short flash fiction so I can let my inner pervert run wild. I thought I’d do the same thing this year, with a few stories that have a lockdown-lust flavour.

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Today’s guest blogger is Carolyn Busa – a writer/comedian who grabbed my attention with her previous incredible piece ‘I want to be fucked like latte art.’ Go check it out, because it’s fabulous, and then pop back here to read today’s funny Sex Toy Story, written from the perspective of a magic wand. I’m especially delighted to bring you wank-focused stories because it’s Masturbation Month at the moment. So read this excellent guest blog, follow Carolyn on Twitter or Instagram, and if you’re Pixar, please don’t sue.

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This hot piss play erotica is written by Floss Liddell, read here by Girl on the Net. 

The desire is lodged in my chest, a sudden onslaught of need is physically gripping me, I can barely catch my breath and the ache for you is unbearable as I consider you in a way I have never done before. One story was all it took, a story where warm piss fell upon soft skin and my mind raced to thoughts of you, my heart pounding, my want rising, as my debauched little mind begged me to ask this of you.

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I know how much you like watching your dick slide in. I know it because I love watching you, in turn: on your knees above me, your eyes downcast as you focus on sliding it slowly inside, occasionally glancing up to look at my reaction as each inch of your aching erection stretches and fills up my cunt. But you can never quite get the right angle, can you? You can never quite get your face close enough to see the detail – the wetness that clings to the skin of your cock, for instance. You never get to see it from a distance other than the exact length of your torso: no more, no less. What’s more, neither of us ever get to see it from behind – how the prominent ridge on the underside looks bold and hard and beautiful, like it does in porn. There’s a solution for that now, though, isn’t there?

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