One plus one does not always equal two. Sure, if we’re talking standard stuff like apples and oranges, one plus one definitely equals two and I’d be a weird conspiracy theorist if I tried to persuade you otherwise. You have one apple in a bag, you add another, you have two apples. True. But if the things you’re counting are dicks, and the place you’re putting them is my vagina: one dick plus another equals a hell of a lot more than two. Let’s talk DVP with a fuckmachine.

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I really love it when I recommend toys to you lot and you have as much fun playing with them as I did. Doubly so if you’re willing to share your thoughts in a guest blog. Recently this fabulous guest blogger DMd me to say ‘OMG I cloned my dick’, off the back of a recent post I wrote about that very process. Unfortunately, in my own post, I couldn’t share an image of the cloned dick with you because it was so accurate and representative of my partner’s exact penis that we thought a picture would be far too intimate. Luckily for me (and you, I hope), today’s guest blogger is willing to share pics of his (scroll down to see ’em!), along with a few thoughts on what it’s like to look – up close – at a perfect replica of your own cock, which you have previously only encountered from arms length…

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My partner has a beautiful dick. Really, truly, astonishingly gorgeous. For quite a long time I’ve nurtured a fantasy about cloning his cock with one of the dick-moulding kits, so I can get DP’d by two identical cocks. Seeing as we’re now rich in time and short on projects, we decided to get stuck in. The results of our cloning efforts are impressively accurate, and have laid the groundwork for some filthier blog posts to come a little further down the line. In the meantime, though, if you want to play along at home, here’s how you can clone your dick too.

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There’s always a worry, when you tick something off your sexual bucket list, that this awesome kink you have lusted after for ages won’t quite live up to your expectations. As the time to fuck approaches, your eager desire for filth is tempered by a voice in the back of your head that says ‘will this be as good as I hope?’ ‘Can a spitroast with a fucking machine really be as filthy as the scene I’m playing in my head?’ ‘Can DVP with a sex machine really live up to my horny dreams? The answer to both questions is ‘fuck yes’. The longer answer is below in the form of a hyper-explicit story about the first time we used our new sex machine, and there’ll be a part two story coming hot on its heels…

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You can keep your restaurants and posh jewellery, in my house we’re playing Valentine’s Day sex games. While I’d love to be super aloof and pretend it’s because traditional romance is beneath me, the fact is that my partner and I just really like playing sex games. If offered a romantic candlelit meal, we’d far rather use those candles for something more depraved. Depending on whether it arrives in time, I’m hoping my own Valentine’s Day will be spent getting acquainted with a brand new fuck machine. If it doesn’t arrive in time, no harm done. We’ll probably be doing one of the following things instead…

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