The most popular sex toy to write about on a sex blog is the humble butt plug. It gets more search traffic than almost any other term. Perhaps because butt plugs are one of the most universal sex toys: they aren’t limited by the kind of genitals you have, and the variations in size or texture mean there are so many kinds of butt plug that there’s something for (almost) everyone. So I’m delighted to welcome this week’s guest blogger who, after experimenting with butt plugs with his wife, decided to take one of their new toys on a solo trip, and fold it into one of the best kinds of wank: the luxury, private, unrestrained hotel wank.

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“You can’t ‘win’ at fucking, that’s not how it works,” my partner explains to me sternly, as he flips through settings on the Mysteryvibe Crescendo app. “It’s about how well we play together.” I’m temporarily sheepish in the face of his gentle chastisement, until he adds under his breath: “Besides, I’ll win.”

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What do you get if you take six masturbation sheaths, two pairs of hands, a blindfold and a bottle of lube? Well, apart from ‘an excellent Saturday night’ you also get to learn some surprising new things about what makes a good stroker. Regular readers will know that I’m on a neverending quest to gather every possible piece of data on how to pleasure a dick. So naturally, strokers are one of my favourite sex toys. Having tested out a variety of them – from the Rolls-Royce pricey strokers to simpler, bargain strokers and even stroking machines I’ve customised myself – the time was ripe to inject a bit of science into the selection. Welcome to the Bargain Stroker Blind Wank Test.

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I love a good ‘first’ – first kisses, first shags, first time-I-felt-in-loves, and all the other glorious moments of discovery when we find a new thing that makes our pulses race. This week, Miss Doll Reviews is here to talk about sex toys for couples – including the first time she tried out sex toys with her partner. If you’d like to read more of her sex toy reviews, visit her website at that previous link, and follow her on Twitter and Instagram. Meanwhile, enjoy her guest blog, and feel free to share your sexy toy ‘firsts’ in the comments below – it’s always nice to take a trip down memory lane and enjoy that ‘first-time’ feeling…

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Intimidation is hard to distinguish from excitement, especially when the two so often come hand in hand. That look you shoot me which says ‘you’re in trouble’ can sometimes make the blood drain from my face, tricking me into thinking I’m afraid, before the flood converges in my beating crotch, reminding me that this only happens because I really really want it to.

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