The question we usually ask about robots is this: ‘could a human ever love a sex robot?’

I don’t think that’s the right question. In fact, I think it’s the opposite of the right question.

What I’d ask instead is this: if a robot were programmed to care for you, speak to you, hold you, and do all the other things a lover would do… how could you not fall in love with them?

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As a certified grumpy bastard, I can tell you that it’s always much easier to be negative than positive. As someone with access to web stats I can also tell you that if you want to get clicks, and you’re not writing porn, you’re always better to be critical than optimistic. I’m throwing all that out of the window today, though, because of a conversation I had the other day that went a little something like this:

“Know what’s brilliant?”

“What?”

“We could have sex now if we wanted to.”

“I’m not really in the mood, but…”

“Ah, but you don’t have to want to, you just have to appreciate how cool it is that we totally could if we wanted to.”

Sometimes I go through miserable phases when I look down at my body and think ‘huh, there are some things that have happened here that are basically irreversible.’ I worry about stretchmarks or consider the fact that I’m no longer able to do the things I did when I was eighteen. I may still be able to get my ankles behind my head to brace against the bedposts, but I’ll no longer do it without a groan of effort. I can bend over sexily, but I’ll say ‘oof’ when I get up. Cramp is not so much an occasional visitor as a permanent unwanted house guest.

But, while it’s easy (and certainly more clickbait-friendly) to snark about the negatives, it’s also worth remembering the benefits of having sex in your thirties. This post is about giving credit to all the things I often take for granted…

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A couple of weeks ago I put up the first instalment of a 2-part sex story involving a bondage kit, and the sexy anticipation of the build-up to getting something hot delivered to your door. In it, the main character falls for Zoe – a dominant with a penchant for spanking and bondage. Click the link above to read part one, which is filled with sexy shivers of anticipation, then read below for the climax, so to speak. It’s by the brilliant @waitingirl13, and I think it’s a gorgeous way to round off the tale…

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I remember how I felt when I got my first ever sex toy. I can’t remember what I said about it, although I suspect it was somewhere between ‘unnffgh’ and ‘jjjhgfgyhbd’, as the guy who’d kindly bought it for me used it to wank me to a swift and almost terrifying climax.

Naturally, when this week’s guest blogger got in touch to tell me about her first sex toy experience, I thought it was the perfect thing to share with you. As I’m also a Great Businesswoman, I’ll use this opportunity to point out that if you’d like to buy a rabbit, as she describes in her post, you can support my blog by buying from SexToys.co.uk or SheVibe if you’re outside the UK. Shameless, I know.

Now please enjoy the following hot blog post, and share your own first sex toy stories in the comments because I bloody LOVE stories like this…

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