As a certified grumpy bastard, I can tell you that it’s always much easier to be negative than positive. As someone with access to web stats I can also tell you that if you want to get clicks, and you’re not writing porn, you’re always better to be critical than optimistic. I’m throwing all that out of the window today, though, because of a conversation I had the other day that went a little something like this:

“Know what’s brilliant?”

“What?”

“We could have sex now if we wanted to.”

“I’m not really in the mood, but…”

“Ah, but you don’t have to want to, you just have to appreciate how cool it is that we totally could if we wanted to.”

Sometimes I go through miserable phases when I look down at my body and think ‘huh, there are some things that have happened here that are basically irreversible.’ I worry about stretchmarks or consider the fact that I’m no longer able to do the things I did when I was eighteen. I may still be able to get my ankles behind my head to brace against the bedposts, but I’ll no longer do it without a groan of effort. I can bend over sexily, but I’ll say ‘oof’ when I get up. Cramp is not so much an occasional visitor as a permanent unwanted house guest.

But, while it’s easy (and certainly more clickbait-friendly) to snark about the negatives, it’s also worth remembering the benefits of having sex in your thirties. This post is about giving credit to all the things I often take for granted…

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A couple of weeks ago I put up the first instalment of a 2-part sex story involving a bondage kit, and the sexy anticipation of the build-up to getting something hot delivered to your door. In it, the main character falls for Zoe – a dominant with a penchant for spanking and bondage. Click the link above to read part one, which is filled with sexy shivers of anticipation, then read below for the climax, so to speak. It’s by the brilliant @waitingirl13, and I think it’s a gorgeous way to round off the tale…

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I remember how I felt when I got my first ever sex toy. I can’t remember what I said about it, although I suspect it was somewhere between ‘unnffgh’ and ‘jjjhgfgyhbd’, as the guy who’d kindly bought it for me used it to wank me to a swift and almost terrifying climax.

Naturally, when this week’s guest blogger got in touch to tell me about her first sex toy experience, I thought it was the perfect thing to share with you. As I’m also a Great Businesswoman, I’ll use this opportunity to point out that if you’d like to buy a rabbit, as she describes in her post, you can support my blog by buying from SexToys.co.uk or SheVibe if you’re outside the UK. Shameless, I know.

Now please enjoy the following hot blog post, and share your own first sex toy stories in the comments because I bloody LOVE stories like this…

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Allow me to answer the question on everyone’s lips: what on Earth is this for?

When I first had a look at a Doxy Skittle – at Eroticon this year – I asked the boss of Doxy. He said: “Well, what would you use it for?” to which I naturally replied:

“Butt stuff.”

For confirmation, I took a picture and emailed it to a bloke I like with the subject line: “Butt stuff?” and he confirmed: “Butt stuff.”

Last week I got hold of one, and it sat on my bedside table, occasionally whispering temptingly to me until it was all I could do to grab the nearest willing bloke and cover him in lube and enthusiasm. Then on Friday night I got to use it and… holy shit. That is definitely at least one of the things you can use it for.

Here comes the usual caveat about how I don’t do sex toy reviews. Other people do them way better than I could, which is why I run the Sex Fairies thing (to let other people try out toys), and why so far I’ve only really reviewed the Doxy massager (love of my life). I’m only writing about this Skittle thingy because I love the Doxy massager so much that I wanted to see if any other Doxy toy could work the same kind of magic. If you want to know the details of a toy: what it’s made from, how big it is, how it compares to others, all that jazz, then you need to go to an expert – Cara Sutra has a review up with more info, and she knows her stuff.

So yeah, if you want all the technical details, go there. If, on the other hand, you want to know how to grind out a sweaty, desperate orgasm by shoving something really hard into your ass, then here’s my two cents.

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One of the things I love about buying things online is the anticipation between ordering and receiving. While a new pair of black ankle boots provides me with a thrilling tingle, when it comes to sex toys the build-up is even greater. Particularly if it’s something that could be used in more than one way, and you get to plan all the different ways you’ll use it.

The next installment of the Sex Fairies project (in which SexToys.co.uk gives people free toys and then they write hot things about them), the brilliant @waitingirl13 has a sexy story for you. It’s the first of a 2-part erotic story inspired by the Sportsheets Bondage Fantasy Kit, which you can buy from Sex Toys for less than £20. Use the code GOTN10 to get 10% off anything on their site.

I’m delighted to be able to host it here because not only does it capture that delicious build-up of anticipation, it also neatly demonstrates that if you want to join in with Sex Fairies you don’t have to just write a review. You can put pen to paper and write what makes you hot…

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