Tag Archives: spunk
Ten years of soul-wringing orgasms with Hot Octopuss PULSE
Hey! I realised recently that I have something in common with my site sponsors Hot Octopuss (and it’s not just that we really love sex toys). Turns out it’s been ten years since they launched the kickass vibrating dick toy PULSE, and coincidentally it’s also been about ten years since I quit my day job and started blogging full-time. I wish I could say I’ve had the same success they have, selling millions of toys and creating oceans of spaff, but to be honest I haven’t sold that many toys. I reckon spaff-wise I could fill a modest pond or two, though. Maybe the Serpentine, at a push. To celebrate their ten years, they launched a really beautiful limited-edition version of their most popular sex toy – Hot Octopuss PULSE Dragon Eye – and I thought I’d take the opportunity to shout about some of the hottest adventures I’ve had with mine…
Gifts: “I love it when you touch me gently”
There are lots of things I enjoy about this time of year, but gifts aren’t one of them. I feel uncomfortable if people buy them for me (please don’t go to any trouble!) and I’m terrified of giving them. Although I occasionally have a flash of inspiration, or the time and ability to arrange a cool trip or activity, most of the time I end up panic-buying a present at the last minute that’s way over my tiny budget, because I didn’t have time to shop/think/make but I need this person to know that I care about them anyway. Even the cool things I do occasionally manage come with a hefty dollop of misery as I agonise over the fact that they will still fall woefully short. It never feels possible to buy a gift that is thoughtful enough, arrange an outing that’s fun enough, or write a poem in a card that’s meaningful enough to capture the weight of my love for this kickass person. But I tell you what I can do very well: gratitude.
You’re restrained and used all day long
This kinky free use fantasy in which you’re used all day long by your partner is written and read by JM Seaborn of WrittenInKink.com. Note that it contains the use of ‘Daddy‘ as an honorific, but everyone in this piece is a consenting adult.
You have the day off. Your Daddy does not. When his alarm sounds you nuzzle into his neck and breathe: “today is the day, Daddy.”
Got milk? A horny email exchange…
This is a very silly sexy thing I wrote back in 2014, around the time I quit my day job and started sex blogging full-time. Back then, I used to have quite a few horny email exchanges like this: part ‘update my other half on my working day’ and part ‘horn for what I’ll do to him when I get home’. Something reminded me of it a few months ago, and I thought it’d be fun to throw it up as audio. Big thanks to Luke (aka @Beardynoise on Twitter) who very kindly helped me bring it to life when we were in the studio.
Mail to: John
Subject: This evening
Hey, just a quick one – I’m going to be back late tonight. Work drinks. Anything you want me to pick up on the way home?
X
p.s. Can’t stop thinking about that thing you did yesterday.
What’s in a name? Robyn’s magical mouth…
This fantastic essay about putting things in your mouth is written and read by the sublime Robyn of RobynEatsEverything, and it originally appeared on their website. Once you’ve enjoyed the smut here (as text or audio – click ‘play’ above!), click the link at the end if you’d like to read part two…
The first time I ever sucked dick, we’d just been to McDonald’s and it tasted like strawberry milkshake. It was actually my first time in a McDonald’s too; what a day.