Note that this horror erotica contains blood, violence and brief/abstract references to suicidal ideation. Written by the fabulous Scorpio Appetites, it originally appeared on his website and it’s brought to life as audio porn for Halloween by the wonderful Luke. 

The cash machine was a monument to the departed amid a battleground of empty bottles and polystyrene boxes. Gemma groaned as she stood in a kebab, and managed to get her card in on the fifth or sixth try. She punched in her PIN through muscle memory alone. The lurid display informed her she had £3.47 left in her account. Not even enough for a burger, let alone a taxi.

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Sluts, eh? We’re incorrigible. No sooner do we read about someone holding their spunk in for 30 days in order to deliver an epic cum shot than we’re persuading people in our own lives to try abstinence so we can experience an epic load of our own. That’s what happened in this week’s guest blog, as the frankly heroic @girlinjail – after reading about how my toyboy gallantly partook in No Nut November and then painted my insides with jizz – persuaded the husband in a couple she’s fucking to try abstaining from orgasm so that she could experience an entire month’s worth of cum. You’ve met this couple – Mike and Elly – before, when Girl in Jail persuaded them to try jump-humping (another heroic endeavour which resulted in that rocket-fuel hot guest blog). And you’ve also read some of GJ’s other adventures too, when she tried out the Electrastim KIX. Now you get to join me in falling at her feet to worship her newest and sexiest guest post: the culmination of Mike’s abstinence, as Elly watches Girl in Jail get covered in a month’s worth of cum. Truly, honestly: we are not fucking worthy.

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A while ago when I was struggling for blog ideas, Betty Butch suggested a round-up of the hottest posts I’ve ever written. I love this suggestion, not just because it allows me to openly engage in the kind of shameless self-promotion I’d usually have to shoehorn in subtly, but also because ‘hottest posts’ is such a subjective measure that it gives me the chance to pick from a few different types.

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This erotic fiction in which a guy enlists a stunt cock to help him teach another friend some BJ tricks is written and read by Euphemise This. 

Danya was excited to be back at uni for her final year, even though she knew that there probably wouldn’t be as much time for extra-curricular activities if she wanted to get a first. After unpacking, she headed to the kitchen to make herself a coffee but couldn’t face her housemates’ poor taste in instant so messaged Nate to see if he fancied meeting at Starbucks for a pumpkin spiced latte and a summer’s worth of gossip.

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A few hours before we’re due to go out, I’m pottering around the flat and these two hot people are hanging out in the living room. You’ve met these filthy fucks already – a few months ago they absolutely annihilated me in the kinkiest threesome I’ve ever been treated to. I choose that phrasing carefully: it really was a treat. Like a brutal sports massage for my masochistic subby side, performed by depraved heroes who really leant in to my request: ‘please ruin me.’

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