What’s more satisfying – making someone laugh, or making them come? Don’t think too hard, just answer the question with your first instinct. Laugh or come? Which is more satisfying? I asked this question a while ago on Mastodon and the results were extremely close. Within a few percent of each other. I found this really surprising: I’d expected it to go a very specific way, with a dramatic win for one side. I’m not even like those people who tried to nitpick the poll by saying ‘why not both?’ (because the whole point of the question is that it’s an either/or, ya bellends, really obviously we’d all go for both if that were an option). Anyway. I expected the poll to go decisively one way, because to me there’s no contest whatsoever.

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As with literally any blog post that discusses physical beauty, this piece is going to come with an important note: what I am about to do is fetishise/objectify/admire/wax lyrical about one particular physical feature, but understand that you do not need to have this feature in order to be beautiful. You can be beautiful with whatever you’ve got, there is no one correct way to be visually stunning, and I have dated many gorgeous people who do not happen to share the characteristic I am about to so thoroughly cream my knickers over. In short: not everyone is bald, and that is OK. But my boyfriend happens to be, and there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t cast my eyes towards the heaven I’m pretty sure does not exist, to thank a God I definitely don’t believe in for sending me a hot bald guy. I can (and assuredly WILL) write essays later about the joy of dating a hot bald guy from a tactile perspective, but for now I’m taking a rare turn into the visual. Here are my hot bald boyfriend’s three best angles, thank you so much for asking.

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I don’t always ask guest bloggers this question, but I do usually like it if they tell me: is this story true, or a fantasy? I am happy to publish both: fantasies are often a super hot insight into the detail of people’s kinks, even if they can’t be fulfilled in real life. But I’m not ashamed to tell you that I have a penchant for the truth. I enjoy being the one who gets to hear people’s red hot fuckbrags. I like revelling in the knowledge that when someone’s writing something especially filthy, that thing actually happened to them in real life. Anyway. Today’s absolutely incredible femdom office teasing story pressed so many of my buttons, and so many of the buttons that subby men I’ve known in the past had too, that I had to ask him if it was true. You’ll probably be as horny as I was to know that the answer is ‘yes.’ Huge thanks to the lovely (and very good) anonymous writer. Enjoy.

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I always say I’m not much of a visual person, and I’m not. But every now and then an image sticks with me, and usually it’s because the bedroom in which we’re fucking has a well-placed mirror or two. I don’t have nearly enough mirrors in my bedroom at the moment – a situation I am keen to rectify as soon as my budget allows (so sometime around 2025, most likely). In the short term, though, please enjoy this trilogy of fuck stories from the past which hopefully will show you why – if you enjoy catching glimpses of you/your partners looking at your absolute fuckiest – you should have mirrors in your bedroom too.

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Hooray for science! This week’s fantastic guest blog, by Jocket, has exactly the kind of wanking detail that a sex nerd like me gets ridiculously excited about. Not only has he tried out a bunch of different masturbation sheaths (across a range of brands), but he’s done a deep-dive into one of the best sleeves (made by my site sponsor Godemiche) and ranked every possible textured iteration of their OffBeat toy based on what feels best on his dick. WHAT A HERO. Take it away Jocket…

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