Those moments of sexual discovery when you finally get to indulge a particular kink or even discover something brand new that you love: they’re really special. They’re one of my favourite things to read about in other people’s sex writing. But perhaps even more powerful than that are those moments when you discover something new about yourself – learn to accept and embrace yourself just as you are. Today’s fabulous guest blogger – Ana – is here to talk about the moment when she realised she’d managed to shake off shame and insecurity and accept herself. I love it so much. Thank you Ana!

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I remember very vividly the first sexy daydream I had about a boy. I felt myself growing hot and tense inside before experiencing a release of arousal as the daydream came to climax. Not a real climax, sadly I’ve never had the ability to make myself come just by thinking about the right thing. But the right thoughts can trigger something intense, and this was the first time I’d experienced that intensity: the instant, shocking realisation that my mind could make my body do this thing, purely through the power of imagination. It was way more graphic than the purely cerebral lust I’d felt for guys in the past. When I talk about this feeling on the blog, I often refer to it as that ‘kick in the gut’ of lust. Or the unngh moment. Some fantasies might press a few buttons in your mind, sparking ideas and feelings that you want to follow up later, but these particular sexy dreams and daydreams are on another level: they kick me in the gut. Give me that unngh.

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Today’s guest blogger has a message for Harrison Butker, the football player (and traditional Catholic) who decided to use a commencement speech at Benedictine College in the US to make some pretty alarming statements about society. Violet Grey is a fabulous sex blogger who runs her own site at Becoming Violet Grey, and she’s guest blogged for me before with some gorgeously horny femdom fiction, as well as excellent rants on being a submissive feminist and the harm caused by Hollywood’s ‘bury your gays’ trope. Violet is a bisexual woman and a practicing Anglican (specifically, the Anglo-Catholic tradition) who has absolutely no time for misogyny, homophobia, and the other things Butker was advocating in his speech…

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OK, I know this is silly. But last night I really wanted to talk to you about the aurora. I wanted to tell you to go outside and look, and ask if you could see it from wherever you were at the time. I wanted to forward the picture that my brother had sent from his garden: pink waves in the sky. Pure beauty. The magic of space. I wanted to talk to you about the aurora.

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He’s pretty quiet in bed, so I’ve become used to turning up the perception dial on all the senses I use to tell whether someone’s enjoying themselves. Most notably when I’m sucking his dick or giving him a gentle hand job. I listen more intensely for the softer sounds he makes, and have trained myself to hone in on those little moments when his breath catches: if I tease the head of his cock with lubed-up fingers, for instance, or get the pressure and speed of a particular stroke just right. I place my hands on his thighs or hips, where the muscles sometimes tense as things start to build, or I press my whole body against his, to get an even better idea of how my moves are being received. I check in with plenty of ‘is this good?’s and the occasional specific question like ‘tell me which is better… gentle or firm?’. It’s a far cry from someone’s hands gripping my hair and shoving my throat onto their cock or loud moans telling me what a filthy slut I am, but I’m getting used to these quieter, softer responses. I’ve started to tune in to the subtle shifts in how he tells me he’s having a good time. So when I introduced this subtle guy to a sexual feedback technique for shy people, the fact that he used it – and the way that he used it – made me drench my knickers in an instant.

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