Yesterday some poor soul wrote in to the Guardian to ask why his girlfriend masturbates after sex. His assumption was that it was because she was ‘insatiable’, and the agony aunt explained that perhaps she just fancied a second orgasm, or wanted to pleasure herself without the potential anxiety or pressure of doing it in front of him. My answer is a lot more sweary and pretty NSFW, but here goes: maybe the sex made her really, really horny.

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Sometimes something is so fucking sexy it’s tricky to find the words to describe it. But I guess if what I do counts as a ‘job’, that’s what this job is about: finding the words to describe things that are so sexy they transcend language, making me want to curl up into a tiny, horny ball and just rub myself and wail happy things forever. So I’m going to have a go at putting into words the hottest thing that’s ever happened to me: the other day my partner let me watch him wank in the shower. I am now a broken, sated mess.

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It’s that time again – Saturday’s sexy link roundup for you to peruse. Click the headings to see the full posts from the people in question, and see if you can guess which my favourite link is for this week…

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Every year I try to write something about how Valentine’s Day is mostly a bundle of gendered expectation and obligation wrapped in a parcel of guilt. That doesn’t stop it being fun for some people (and nor should it), but hopefully it does help people who feel shit about the whole thing to feel a little less shit and a little more like it doesn’t really matter. But I’m a sex blogger, so if I don’t write anything about Valentine’s Day I’ll get letters. So, as a compromise I’ve written a guide to things you can buy as Valentine’s Day gifts for yourself. Hoard them, enjoy them, publicly propose to them if you want to, just don’t give them to anyone else: there are other gift guides for that.

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This might sound a little weird to you, but when I conjure up sex fantasies I, personally, am not in them. Usually they feature a guy (or two, or three) that I’ve cast from a set of characters in my head – army sergeant, angry teacher, dominant dude on a conference call and … a woman who does not look like me. I didn’t realise this was unusual, until I had a conversation with someone about it, then ran some polls on Twitter to ask: do you, yourself, star in your sex fantasies?

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