Tag Archives: wanking
Cool sex toys for National Masturbation Month
(more…)“I have to think of something to write about wanking.”
“Isn’t everything you write basically about wanking?”
“You don’t read my blog, do you?”
“Well, you can’t really blame me. I have to talk to you every day. Anyway, why do you have to write something about wanking?”
“Because it’s National Masturbation Month.”
“A whole month? How long does it take to have a wank?!”
Crying is hot
“I’m hard because you’re crying.”
Said with sheepish, downturned eyes. He was expecting me to be horrified. Expecting me to tell him he was filthy and disgusting, and that my misery wasn’t cheap porn scene for him to get a boner over. What he – and if I’m honest, I – wasn’t expecting was for a hot pulse of arousal to flood through my stomach and crotch, soaking my knickers and wishing I could muster more tears.
What he didn’t know at the time was that I found his tears equally hot. He’d once told me a story of something he’d done after we broke up, and it filled my head with a vision of him gripping his dick with fury and rubbing hard at it while he thought of me with someone else, salty tears pouring down his cheeks as he got red and horny and sad and miserable.
He introduced me to the idea of a crywank. And he vocalised something I’d have been too shy to put into words: crying can be a massive turn-on.
Sex and politics and naked party leaders wanking in custard
While I’d love to be able to open this blog with a revelation about a sordid orgy with two famous politicians, that would be a heinous lie. I’ve never had sex with a politician, and unless one of my exes stands for office at some point, or Danny Alexander pops round when I’m too horny to be critical, it’ll probably stay that way forever.
Still, that doesn’t stop me speculating on the sexiness or otherwise of various politicians, so I’m going to do just that:
- Ed would totally get it.
- Clegg would have had it back in 2010 but now wouldn’t muster so much as a pity fuck.
- Sturgeon is undeniably cheeky and although I don’t fancy her I’d definitely nudge a mate if she beckoned them over with a sexy wink at a party.
- Cameron can get utterly fucked, but not by me.
For the Americans among you, I hope you know that I am not discriminating against your politicians. I have, on numerous occasions, had fantasies about being accidentally locked in a cupboard with Barack Obama. The cupboard’s vital because I know he’d never let me snog him if he thought Michelle might see.
Guest blog: Rev1000 is like a nimble-fingered handjob
I’ll admit it – I’m shameless. Sometimes I write things because they make me horny, sometimes I write things because I know they make other people horny, and sometimes… well… sometimes I email other sex bloggers and ask them to write things because I really want to hear them describe something hot in intense detail.
When someone first used a Doxy massager on me, I was struck by the idea that the orgasm wasn’t so much something that I’d contributed to – by grinding against things or thinking ‘happy orgasm wave thoughts’ – but something that was being torn from me. Like a hot, juddering, almost involuntary muscle spasm. Part of that, I think, comes from the fact that the person holding the Doxy doesn’t have to do much – they can just hold it tight up against my clit and watch me squirm and squawk like a cat trapped in a laundry basket. I want something that does the same thing for guys. So, having researched and settled on the Rev1000 – a thing that looks like a sci-fi sink plunger, but which promises hands (and effort-free) orgasms, I did the obvious, shameless thing: I contacted a guy who’d used one and asked him to tell me all about it.
This is Andy – AKA RuffledSheets, who was lovely enough to oblige my whims. I’m massively grateful to him for indulging me, so please do check out his blog, follow him on Twitter, and check out his thoughts (and hot NSFW pics) after the jump.
Glass dildos, kegel muscles, and clamping down for pleasure
I find exercise for its own sake incredibly tedious. Running, cycling, picking up weights then putting them down again: I get why some people like it, but I’m not one of those people. Moving muscles for a purpose: picking up heavy boxes to move house, running for a bus, cycling because you just need to get somewhere – fine. But moving for the sake of moving isn’t something I’ve ever been excited about.
As with biceps, triceps and whatever ‘glutes’ are, same with kegels. The idea of doing special exercises to strengthen the muscles in my cunt leaves me a bit cold. I’m having a go right now as I write this, probably making odd quizzical faces and feeling glad I’m not in an open plan office, and the sensation I get from it can best be described as ‘meh.’
But during sex? Or a wank? That’s when those kegels really come into their own.