In the middle of yet another tumultuous year, the audio porn project has been a shining joy on my weekly to-do list: gathering lots more fabulous guest audio, as well as recording and editing some of my own stories to make them more accessible, and hanging with the incredible team of people who support me on Patreon and help guide the project. But what were people listening to this year? Hopefully you’re having a chilled day today eating festive snacks and lying in your comfiest lounging clothes, so to entertain you while you have a well-deserved rest, here’s the top audio porn of 2021 (based on listens), plus a couple of new stories that haven’t yet been live for long enough to make the ‘most listened to’ list, but which I know you’ll love.

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As part of my run of getting sex toy blog posts written up so you know what to buy before Christmas, let’s get stuck into this quickly so you’ve plenty of time to shove one in your basket. There are two things I love about the Pillow Talk Sassy vibe (kindly sent to me by my site sponsor The Pleasure Garden). The first is its simplicity. The second is that when I first had a wank with it, I came in under thirty seconds.

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I don’t know if I’m allowed to just invent a piece of sex etiquette, like I’m the editor of NSFW Debrett’s, but if I were allowed to do that, I’d suggest an etiquette rule like this: if you’re fucking someone with a butt toy in, and you have the ability to hold it there while you pound them, you absolutely should. So for instance, if we’re fucking doggy-style, one hand laid on my butt with a steadying thumb against the base of the plug (not pushing in, just holding still) will calm my anxious mind and mean I can focus on the shag rather than the worry that I’m about to inadvertently shoot it across the room. This rule brought to you by a woman who – no matter how safe the butt plug or how secure it feels in my ass, the second you start to plough away I will immediately panic that my lubed-up arse might accidentally blast it at your stomach like a rocket launcher. My top concern with anal toys is not whether they’re going to get in, but whether they might just slip out. That was my key concern with the Hot Octopuss Plex, and why I tested it in ways that may seem silly to you, but which for me formed vital anxiety-calming prep before I (hopefully) get to use this during sex.

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I’m a big fan of masturbation sheaths – the squishy, textured, beautiful toys that you can use to add extra sensation to a dick-focused wank. I’ve written a lot about them here in the past, including a piece about one of the very best: the Tenga Flip Hole Zero EV (crap name, brilliant toy). I’ve also had guest writers extol the virtues of Tenga here too, most notably in this piece by Luke about the standard Tenga Flip Hole. This week’s post is a lot more personal, though, and I’m really honoured that today’s anonymous guest has chosen to share his story here. If you’re interested in trying out these kinds of toys, I hope his experience can give you a nudge in the direction of prioritising your pleasure: he’s written a beautiful love letter to Tenga.

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It’s that time of year again, and honestly while I wanna adopt a world-weary tone of ‘oh God yet more sex toy sales’, it’d be churlish of me to do that because this genuinely is one of the best times of year to pick up some bargains. This page is going live with the currently available sex toy deals and I’ll update it each time another site sponsor opens up their Black Friday sex toy deals, so keep an eye on the page.

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