How appropriate that this guest blog is due to go live this week, when the UK has been having a sweltering heatwave. I’m editing this on Tuesday but praying that by the time it goes live on Friday we’ll have had a huge thunderstorm or two to clear the muggy air. Something about the weather makes me horny – from sweaty fucking to fantasies about getting whipped on the back of my thighs with ice pops, heat is horny. And now, courtesy of this week’s guest blogger Theodore Bentley, fucking in a thunderstorm becomes sexy too…

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This fabulous post about being tied up and used is written and read by Joy As It Flies.

I have been watching too much porn lately: I’m pointlessly horny. I text the Adorable Sadist saying I’ve been dreaming all day about him tying me up, gagging me, and then using my mouth, tits and arse for despicable purposes. When I get home he is lying on my bed waiting for me. We cuddle and joke around for a little bit, then he asks me to say out loud what I’d written in the text. So I do, in a quiet, slightly hesitant voice. I’m not sure why asking for this stuff is embarrassing, but it is.

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This week’s Quote Quest is a quote from Hunter S Thompson, and I’m choosing to join in with it because I have never heard the quote before, and when I saw it I immediately hated it with a passion as hot as the sun. Here’s the quote: “Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.” I know the fabulous Little Switch Bitch, who runs the Quote Quest meme, picks quotes to spark interesting debate and discussion, so I’m gonna crack my knuckles and get stuck in.

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OK so hear me out: ten condom fucks. Fucks which require a large number of condoms. Fucks which start at about 2pm, are interspersed with drinks and chatting and playing Beat Saber and slow-dancing sexily in the middle of the living room. Fucks which ebb and flow between oral, penetration, and naked touching, meaning each time you decide you’re gonna get down to it, you slip on a new condom. Fucks which mean you have to scatter condoms throughout the apartment so there’s always one easily to hand. Ten condom fucks.

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It’s everything I hate in a sofa, this thing: brown; leather; thin metal legs; angular armrests that you can’t properly lean against and a seat that’s too narrow for spooning. I hate this sofa so much that when my ex and I hung out together, I used to sit on the floor. Give me well-worn carpet and a numb bum over sticky brown leather any day of the week. I hate this sofa for every single thing… except fucking. This sofa features in almost every filthy post I’ve written on this blog in the last four years. This sofa launched a thousand fucks.

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