I was chatting to my dude recently about the least sexy kind of sex, and he mentioned ‘lie-back-and-think-of-England’ sex. You know the kind: where two people have sex out of a misplaced sense of duty, or the idea that that’s what they ‘should’ do. Thing is, though, I have an entirely filthy mind, and even this kind of sex can be extraordinarily arousing if you think of it in the right way. So he challenged me to write it: an erotic story about apparently un-erotic sex, and I had so much fun writing it that I recorded it as audio porn too…

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