The fantasies which happen in my head are consensual. The fantasies which happen in my head are often non-consensual. It sounds like a logical fallacy: how can something be both consensual and non-consensual at the same time? The answer is that, of course, the ‘non-consent’ in my fantasies is only an illusion: the participants in my head are not real, the only real person here – the only one who needs to consent – is me. But when those fantasies leak out of my head onto the page or screen, readers – real live people – become a part of what’s happening, and their consent matters as well. Let’s talk about the ethics of writing consensual non-consent fantasies.

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I do a lot of press to promote this site. Not just interviews with journalists – the word ‘press’ basically covers any and everything that I do for free to give other people content and help me promote my work: interviews, podcasts, quotes for articles, and other bits and pieces. I’m totally cool with doing this, it is the primary (and most valuable) method of promoting what I do. But with one caveat: it’s only valuable if people actually link. Understandably, many sites are reluctant to link to adult websites, so I thought I’d write a quick overview on how to do it ethically, and why it’s so important.

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This week’s amazing guest blog is by Stella Fosse – erotica writer, author of Aphrodite’s Pen: The Power of Writing Erotica after Midlife, and a late bloomer whose erotic life blossomed in her late 50s. She’s here to challenge some of the tedious judgments made about older women and sex, and when I first read her guest blog – about what caused her to write an erotic story about hysterectomy – it made me want to dance and shout stuff from the rooftops. Read her blog below, and follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. 

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Join me on a journey of self-discovery, which begins with a spiteful commenter calling me a narcissist and ends with me explaining why personal sex stories are awesome and this commenter can suck on my hugely-inflated ego.

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Payment processors don’t want our money, social networks keep shadowbanning (or even just plain banning) us, and ad networks won’t let us use their systems because our work is considered too risqué. No matter how successful you are as a sex blogger, you will never have access to the same channels as other bloggers, so creating a successful platform is always going to be just that little bit harder. That’s why I wanted to write a quick post to say thank you to the UK Blog Awards – this year they bucked the trend of companies stripping sex content from their sites – instead they listened to requests from fellow bloggers and actually added a ‘sex’ category to their awards.

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