I don’t want to write this post. The very idea of dragging the words from my head makes me want to cringe into a tiny ball. But I’m going to talk about butt plug accidents anyway. My reasons will become clear towards the end of the post but before I begin, a warning and a request. Warning: this post contains scenes that are a bit uncomfortable, especially if you’re not into anal stuff and are easily panicked. Request: if you know me in real life, I would genuinely rather you didn’t read this. It’s mostly because I feel I can be funnier and more honest about this incident if I don’t have to anticipate jokey conversations about it in the pub, during which I have to relive all the feelings that this incident triggered in my fluttery, panic-laden heart. So. If you know me, don’t read this. If you choose to read it anyway, pretend you haven’t. Deal? OK let’s go.
The short version of this is that I had a traumatic butt plug accident. The longer version is that I got a fairly large glass butt plug – base and everything – stuck up my arse.
The even longer version is below.
I take things too far
On Sundays we do anal. I have a routine, which involves douching, a bath, some butt plugs and a fuckload of lube. I’ve detailed my prep for getting fucked in the ass in last week’s post, so if you want the detail go read that first then come back. PLEASE COME BACK.
Anal Sundays are fun. They have become something I look forward to from the second I clock off work on a Friday night. Not just because they give me great ideas for blog posts, but also because I love what anal sex feels like, the challenge of taking it more brutally, and the sound of my other half’s feet stamping excitedly up the stairs as soon as I tell him It Is Time.
Unfortunately we started anal Sundays a while ago, and like all sex things I get into, I have a terrible habit of taking things Far Too Fucking Far. What begins as a fun suggestion swiftly becomes an obsession, and before I know it I am laser-focused on the challenge of not breaking my anal sex streak.
The golden rule of anal
Anal aficionados will know the golden rule of butt stuff: do not put anything in your arse that you aren’t damn sure you can get out of it. The anal passage is not like the vaginal one: once things slide up, it’s possible they’ll keep on sliding until you can no longer reach them to fish them out. Vaginal eggs don’t need a flared base because you can usually ‘lay’ them fairly successfully once you’re done – although my experience with love eggs tells me that it is not always as easy as that sounds. Once something has slipped past the ring of your sphincter, though, the odds of you retrieving it without hassle plummet dramatically. To make sure that butt plugs don’t disappear into the black hole that is your rectum, you need one with a very flared base.
To prevent butt plug accidents, the base of your plug should be wider than the widest point of the toy itself. That’s the headline, and until recently I always thought myself pretty good at choosing butt plugs to ensure that this was the case. However, there’s a glass butt plug we’ve owned for a while which I don’t tend to use that often – it’s very wide and so is more of a ‘challenge/ganbare’ item than a regular-use one. Because we’ve owned it for a while and used it a lot without issues, I’ve always just blithely assumed that it follows this golden rule. On closer inspection – which recent events nudged me to actually do – the base turns out to be roughly the same width as the widest point of the butt plug, possibly even smaller by a millimetre.
That’s what we’re talking about here: one millimetre.
So yeah, I had a butt plug accident
Laugh with me through the pain, people. Because I am a fucking sex blogger, and so I really should be quite knowledgeable about this stuff. One single millimetre (in circumference, not diameter) made the difference between a lovely anal Sunday and a horrible nightmare panic that I will not forget in a hurry.
In the beginning…
All was going well. We were having fun, and were fucking with horn and – dare I say it? – panache. I had the glass butt plug inside, and my dude was fucking me with long, slow strokes in the cunt. I love the sensation of the head of his dick as it presses against the entrance to my cunt – meeting resistance and tightness caused by the solid glass plug pushing back through the wall of my ass. Even more, I love the ‘pop’ as the head slips past it, pressing back against the butt plug through the wall of my vagina, and the way he sometimes gives a little groan in the back of his throat when this happens. Unngh.
Anyway. We were fucking like this, and I was pondering at what point I should pause the proceedings to whip out the butt plug and ask him to fuck me in the ass, when I felt him doing something… weird… behind me. Pressing gently with his fingertips around the entrance to my ass.
It felt odd, but wasn’t a big deal: it was almost like he was inspecting me, and if that’s what floats his boat then I am fully and completely down. I am, after all, an eager and deviant slag, and although I had no idea what he was doing, the fact that he was doing it tripped some pretty nice ‘hot guy using me like a Fleshlight’ type feelings. I had already begun to file it as something I should ask him about later, so I could have a proper wank about the feelings it had started to stir.
Until he poked me with his fingernail.
“OW FUCK ARGH!” I murmured seductively. “STOP. What?! OW!”
Remaining calm, he stopped dead still where he was and told me: “It’s slipped inside you. Don’t panic. Just push.”
Which is absolutely the best advice he could have given, and indeed the advice I’d have given if someone else had asked how to deal with butt plug accidents. I am very prone to panic, but on hearing his gentle voice softly instructing me not to panic, I was immediately suffused with an air of patient calm.
Hahaha sorry no – I shrieked and burst into tears.
How to retrieve a stuck butt plug
I did push, though, as instructed. I pushed hard, while he helpfully put a few fingers into my vagina to see if he could nudge the butt plug out from the inside. A bit like how you might stick your fingers inside your shoe to push a stone out if it’s slipped inside your sock. When that didn’t work, I honed our strategy based on gut instinct, choosing instead to tremble, sweat, panic and scream “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” as I tried to retrieve it alone.
It was a very dark time. It was weird. It was horrible. In ‘we probably need to say sorry for scaring the neighbours’ territory.
He stood next to the bed, wringing his hands and looking pale and definitely NOT TOUCHING ME, while I yelled and pushed and panicked and pushed and ran through worst-case-scenarios in my head.
- Would I have to go to A&E?
- Would I become one of those case studies that doctors tell all their mates about?
- What if even the doctors couldn’t retrieve it in the usual way, and I had to have emergency surgery?!
- I have never been under general anaesthetic before, what if I died?
As a deviant hedonist, I would be unsurprised and – frankly – a little proud if it turned out my fate was to be ‘death by drug overdose at an orgy with the local rugby team’. Or ‘heart attack caused by excessive dick-riding at 4am after a Saturday night drinking binge’. Or ‘toppled off a balcony in the penthouse of a hotel while getting railed from behind by the lead singer of a 90s punk band’. If there were such a thing as an afterlife, and I’d been shuffled off this mortal coil for any of the reasons above, I would surely look down from it and say ‘fair play. I may have died young but I had a bloody good innings regardless.’ But death by butt plug accident? Here? In the bedroom of my own home, with a towel down to catch lube and my panicked, loving boyfriend watching anxiously from three feet away? It just felt like too small a death. Too avoidable a death. Too silly a death.
I cannot – WILL NOT – die of butt plugs.
So. I took a big deep breath, rose up from my hands and stretched out – tall and powerful and majestic (but with one trembling hand behind my bum to catch the plug). Steeling myself for pain I gave a deep, guttural yell – the battle cry of butt plug Braveheart – and delivered one final almighty push…
And the glass butt plug slipped out, along with some other stuff, and splattered to a halt on the towel that lay beneath me.
A brief aside, dear reader, on that tiny phrase ‘some other stuff.’ I shall not be going into detail about what ‘some other stuff’ involved. Needless to say that it was stuff, it was ‘other’ and there was some of it. That’s all you need to know.
What happened after this should have been: relief, a shared giggle, and a discussion about how we prevent butt plug accidents like this in future. But if you have been reading this blog for a while, you’ll know that’s not how my brain lets me do things. Instead of dealing with this like a mature and sensible adult I wept, trembled, whimpered “Get out please get out leave me alone leave me alone go away I love you please go away I love you” and my partner ran away to let me clean things up alone, because frankly at that moment it was all I wanted to do.
Well, that and incinerate every butt plug I owned to prevent the same horror occurring in future.
Butt plug accidents: lessons learned
Serious faces on now, people. I tried to make the above a bit funnier than it was at the time because if not I couldn’t have written about it at all. I found the whole thing excessively traumatic – emphasis on ‘excessive’. Because I’m a sex blogger, and I have read so many articles about safe anal play which emphasise how absolutely vital it is (and it is) to choose anal toys which won’t disappear inside you, that advice had piled up in my brain and taken on monstrous form. My brain had gone ‘you MUST get toys with flared bases, or they’ll disappear inside you’ and warped it into ‘if things disappear in your arse, you will never retrieve them without medical intervention.’
And beyond the vague concept of ‘medical intervention’ there was just this swirling, nebulous panic. So the first lesson I learned is that actually, you can sometimes get stuff out of your arse if it goes up there. Not every single person will end up in A&E. This doesn’t mean you should be blasé about the butthole’s grippy powers, just remember – in the event of butt plug accidents of your own – that your anus is not exactly like the event horizon of a black hole. I think I’d have been less panicky in the moment if someone had explained that to me years ago, so I’m telling you here in case you ever find yourself in the same boat.
The next thing I learned is that there are some really important sex conversations that my partner and I still had not had. This is a hard bit to write: hold my hand. I promise I’ve washed it quite thoroughly. For the rest of that evening, and quite a long time after, I felt uncomfortable around him. I couldn’t stop myself from feeling the sensation of his fingertips pressing around my arsehole, and the knowledge that while he was poking me there I genuinely had no idea why. I’d thought it might even have been quite a… (hurts to think this, hurts to write this)… kinky thing? Having been so soul-shreddingly wrong at the time, for quite a while afterwards I felt consumed by horror and mistrust. Why would he do that without telling me first? Why wouldn’t he immediately warn me that the butt plug had slipped up inside? He was feeling around with his fingers for a while did he…? Did he actually make it worse? Had he accidentally pushed it further inside me?
For a while there, I was scared of him. Which I know is weird. I know. He is not frightening. He would never hurt me like that. His instinctive reaction was incredibly well-meaning: he knew that panic might make things worse, and he also knows what a gosh-darn-it powerful panicker I am. He wanted to solve the problem without causing the screaming-and-trembling that he knew full well was on the horizon. He wanted to help. I’m very used to the phrase ‘my body, my choice’ when it comes to reproductive rights, so it may sound glib to apply that to butt plugs and fingertips, but still. When it comes to my body, I don’t ever – ever – want someone to ‘help’ me with a problem without first alerting me to what that problem is. Never.
The final lesson I learned is that although I do my best to leave shame at the bedroom door, I am not actually immune to it when fucking. The feeling I got when I realised the plug was stuck was intense and irrational shame. The emotion I felt as I managed to push it out – though it should have been pride and glory – was shame. The trembling way I begged my partner not to touch me or hug me or stay in the room as I gathered up the toys and towel and lube and other things? Shame. Abject shame. I felt wrong. I felt dirty. I felt bad. I felt unloveable and untouchable and disgusting. My rational brain knew this wasn’t right, but my heart felt it so hard it made all of my muscles go weak. My toes curled and my scalp actually tingled with it: shame.
I didn’t know how I would ever shake this feeling – irrational and weird though it was. So I swallowed it deep and buried it under smiles and went downstairs to go check on my other half.
“It’s OK,” he told me, as he scrolled through delivery apps to get us some emergency lasagne. “There is nothing shameful about this sort of thing – it brings us closer.”
“Really?”
“Really. I promise. Closeness through shared calamity. We’ll be fine.”
Those were his exact words. I wrote them in my phone so I wouldn’t forget: closeness through shared calamity. And he’s right – as we look forward excitedly to another anal Sunday (with my favourite Doxy butt plugs, instead of that hellish glass one), I no longer feel ashamed, just relieved. That we lived through this weird thing enough that we can joke about it. That it hasn’t stopped us wanting to use butt plugs, just made us more careful about how we go about it. That I can show him this post before publishing, and ask: “are you happy with this? Is it OK?” and he laughs in all the right places.
Chaos through shared calamity.
We’re fine.
28 Comments
Oh gosh! I would completely panic, too. Excellent article. I’m glad you’re okay ❤
Thank you so much!
So many thoughts racing through my head, will use bullet points.
– SO glad you are okay, and no trip to the Emergency Ward was necessary.
– completely with you on the shame part, and proud of you for how you’ve dealt with it.
– filled with amazement and admiration for the courage and fortitude it must have taken you to write this account.
– this is so well-written, every emotion and situation described in great clarity with your light-hearted style.
– and finally, also most importantly, your boyfriend is a gem of a man, please pass on my heartiest kudos to him!
Sorry you had to go through this, but happy that you emerged a stronger couple for it. Sincerely, no pun intended there 😀
Ah thank you so much! What a bloody lovely comment, I am grinning =) I will pass that on to my dude, who will be delighted as well xx
I used to have a glass one that I had a near disaster through sneezing whilst on a National Express coach. I felt half the base slip in. I did very British, contained panic.
On another occasion, unfortunately I’m a one night stand, I had the same happen as you. I still feel traumatised by that and haven’t talked about it.
It can happen when things are very active. I tend to be hyper aware how.
Argh fuck only just saw this comment – yeah that’s really stressful. On a coach! I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s a tricky thing to talk about I think, especially with the whole ‘well we’re sex bloggers so this really shouldn’t happen to us’ … except when it does. I’m so sorry you were traumatised by the second one. x
I’m sorry you had to go through this, but this post was amazing and made me cry (in a good way). Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it! It felt like one I totally *should* write, and getting into the funny/nice bits made it much easier to tell the story. <3
An Emergency Medicine Dr friend of mine (who may well be reading this) told me that women are generally more blasé and fess up about what they’ve been up to whilst obviously embarrassed about their predicament. However it’s more men with the ‘I slipped during naked hoovering/gardening/cooking/wood chopping’ (the medical link lists an axe handle….)
Ohhhh this does not surprise me at all! My dude saw your comment and said ‘do you think it’s because ppl with vaginas are more used to doctors staring up them/poking around?’ and I think that’s definitely going to be a part of it, but also there is still so much stigma attached to men who like anal play. I know plenty of straight men who enjoy it but so few who are comfortable talking about it. I wonder how many people get even *more* panicky because they’d feel too scared/stigmatised to go to the doctor =(
I have a squishy 3″ diameter butt plug out of finest silicone from my favorite butt toy manufacturer; the base is maybe 1.5″ and the neck is probably less than an inch. I cannot take an acrylic 3″ diameter plug but my squishy will deform itself as I sit down and push on it, and eventually it just slips right in, where it has like no inclination to come out on its own, so generally I’ll sit and tease around my anus until I want to open up from within.
I was putting my hitachi head up against it and sitting on it some time ago when the whole thing slipped in; i was in the throes so hard i barely remember the moment when it happened and only in retrospect do I remember it at all. It was not until the whole head of the hitatchi was buried 90% of the way in that I suddenly thought “what is going on?”.
After realizing that at this point I could stop and address the situation or finish pleasuring myself, I somehow chose to finish pleasuring — this took about 20 minutes more, which may say something about my judgment when I’m sufficiently aroused.
It had taken the opportunity to sip even farther in due to my various squeezings. I took my trusty lube syringe(!) and put some nice slick stuff up there, and went and sat on the toilet and teased my butthole with a nice hard buzzy vibrator i have, and whenever I thought it might help I pushed out (clinching is a totally different movement and is one of those things that you learn not to do with ass play).
In about 10-12 minutes it got back down to where it was easy for me to reach in and grab the handle and I just held it until my rectum gave up trying to keep it for itself, and it slid back out the way it normally does.
once it was totally out, *then* I got a little shaky and laughed. An ex-lover got several spherical squishy objects out of reach up there a couple of decades ago; she ended up just waiting until the natural course of events provided enough back pressure to push them out, as they were not uncomfortable, but if you’re going to stick items with no handles on them up there one needs to realize that it might be a bit before you get them out again, ha-ha.
tips from an anal obssessive:
Hard things provide much more risk (in my opinion) than softer things; sometimes that extra bit of “stretch” in ourselves can’t handle the distortion from the hardness, which is why my huge acrylic magnifying base plug sits in an honored position to look pretty on a closet shelf and my pure soft silicone plugs started to get a LOT more play as I went for some larger items. And if something is a) hard, and b) fragile — well just don’t do that.
thank you for your telling of the occurrence; your openness is very appreciated. You should be praised for sharing, and if you don’t want to be teased in a pub then you shouldn’t be.
blessed be.
Oh my god, that is some serious anal adventuring. I am genuinely surprised that you were able to continue the hitachi wank without total panic! Thank you for the tips, and for sharing your experience here. I’m really touched by how many people have joined in to let me know I’m not alone <3 I don't really think my friends would mean-tease me in the pub, I just feel like talking about it in person might be a little more than I can handle for now - maybe in a few years when it's faded to be *just* a funny story rather than a funny story with a side-order of massive stress =) xx
What a scary experience. You have done a terrific job conveying both the immediate terror and the final camaraderie of it.
Might saunter upstairs with a tape measure shortly. In a completely chilled out fashion.
Haha yes, definitely worth a bit of a measure! Thank you! <3
I knew this story would come out the minute you alluded to an accident in one of your earlier comments. I was afraid to ask but still wanted to know. First of all it is brave to actually tell us this story…I mean we can all learn something from it. And kudos to you boyfriend who handled the do not panic part admirably. Alas my slightly hypochondriac self will from now on never touch a butt plug. I always thought that with increasing arousal and rectal relaxation (would that not a great band name) those things would slip right in.
But really…having someone staying calm and not panicking with you in this situation…keep him close.
Definitely – he’s a good dude to have around in a crisis <3 And it's also prompted us to talk about what happens if similar issues occur in future which is very very good! Also, am going to add a new glass butt plug to my collection which has a bar instead of a round base! xx
Thank you so much for writing this. As a real anal fan too I had almost exactly the same thing happen with a glass plug. With a round base about the same size during some good pounding I felt the head slip in on one side and I squeal to stop immediately and panically managed to use my fingers to fish it out. I felt mortified by the whole thing and it was definitely the end of any sex that evening. I do love glass so finally got one with a massive bar like base so that will never happen again.
Here it is. https://focusedandfilthy.com/2019/04/06/glass-butt-plug/
Thank you again for normalising something I found so embarrassed about.
Missy x
Ooh thank you so much for the recommendation! I’m going to try and get one of those. I really love the sensation of glass but yeah I am quite wary of it after this incident. I think part of my worry about it was that it had a fairly short neck as well, and I think short neck plus similar base/width ratio is what I’ll be avoiding in future – this one looks brilliant! I am so sorry it happened to you too, but thank you for joining in – I wouldn’t ever wish this on anyone but once it’s happened it’s always comforting to realise that I am not alone in my mishaps or panics. xx
Yes I read it and we shall never speak of it but I wish I had previously told you my story of this which is fairly similar to yours apart from the fact it happened in a hotel room in Vegas and I have to say Michael was so amazingly calm and reassuring in the face of my utter fear. Like you it reemrged but nearly 9 years on and I am still hugely wary of plugs during fucking. If I litterally cant feel my partner holding it then I won’t wear it during fucking.
Molly
Christ almighty, misinterpreted this as it didn’t re-emerge for 9 years. I dearly hope that is not the case, but I can absolutely understand why youd be wary after experiencing that…
Thank you for writing this. I’m currently using toys to while working up to anal with a wonderful guy who has an enormous cock, and this is informative, funny and weirdly scary/reassuring all at once.
Oh fuck I did not know that! That sounds horrible and yeah I can totally understand why you don’t want to use them during fucking unless someone’s holding on. Focused and Filthy’s recommendation for one with a bar (just above) looks like a really good idea which might mean I can go back to glass without worrying too much. Thank you for sharing Molly <3 xxx
Awww. This is one of your best posts in a while. You definitely deserved a hug after that experience (though understandably you weren’t in the mood for one).
This is not the first account I’ve read of a similar experience, though at least this one didn’t end with ‘so then we had a fun trip to A&E…’
Thank you SCS <3 xx
Dear GOTN,
You are great!
You are great because you do anal Sunday every Sunday and look forward to it.
You are great because you triumphed in this unfortunate mishap.
You are great because you went on to write about it.
You are great because of HOW you wrote about it. – Fucking fabulous writing!!!
You are great because you are able to be so reflective and process your feelings and then come closer to your man afterwards.
Wow! Just a real fucking great post in so many ways.
I’m glad you didn’t die of an anal plug.
Much, much, much love!!!!
Absolutely wonderful post. I do hope that apart from how wonderful your partner is people take in…
“So the first lesson I learned is that actually, you can sometimes get stuff out of your arse if it goes up there. Not every single person will end up in A&E.”
This is so important.
Don’t panic. Things, especially hard things, can get caught up but generally in time objects do come out.
If you’re that concerned tie a pull string around the plug above the “not big enough” base.
But as you say – make sure the base is bigger than you can take!
Thank you so much for this piece.
So glad you came out of the experience wiser, undamaged & closer through calamity. x
You are an amazing woman who would make any man (and not just a few women) proud to take you to an upscale dog fight! This post is really funny and very instructive as well. Diji suggests tying a string around the ‘neck’ and while I am sure that would work, I thought of a retrofit that you could charge $ for. It won’t work on glass though. Plugs that are made of a material soft enough to drill could have a flat bottom hole in the middle of the outside end. There are VERY powerful magnets and there are jewelry clasps made in this way. You need two magnets. One is placed in the hole with just a bit of recess. Some kind of binder would be needed to hold it in. Maybe Gorilla Glue! The other magnet, with the pole properly oriented to pull on the magnet in the base of the plug, could be mounted in the tip of some classy looking ‘stick’. Something like tulip wood with top notch embellishment in gold and gems. Try it out first on someone else. Gweneth perhaps. I can visualize Gweneth holding her ankles and whimpering in fear. Take photos!
Prepare to cringe. The classic foreign object up the bung hole is a light bulb, small end first. This is a guaranteed trip to the Emergency Room. This is one of the very dangerous anal objects. It could shatter if one grabbed it too tight with French Fry (chip) tongs in an effort to avoid humiliation and perhaps the ‘Front Page’ of one of Rupert’s quality publications!
Please do not put magnets on things that are going into your body.
You are right about the magnets. I didn’t think anyone would have the equipment, desire, expertise and a long time to complete a magnetic retrieval system. Also, the embellishment in gold and gems on tulip wood would be hard and the whole setup would perhaps find a home in an anal museum. Additionally, tulip wood is, I believe, on the brink of extinction and may be illegal to possess.
NEVER swallow magnets. They get together and anything in between, like an intestinal wall, could be crushed with possible fatal results.
I never really was that interested in sex toys. Some obvious reasons including the observation that gender appears to be involved in their appeal.