We’ve all got to start somewhere, right? And sometimes when we’re starting out, it’s helpful to have someone with a little (or a lot) more experience to guide us on the journey. Today’s blog is by the wonderful @jamiebear (who runs the Gay News Archive Project and has written amazing things in the past about the hotness of someone’s scent and being a proud submissive). And he’s here to tell a super hot story about fucking a new Dom who was tentatively stepping in to kink, and needed a helping hand on how to do that well…
Guiding a new Dom in how to fuck me
If you’ve been into any sort of sub/Dom kink play for a long time, you probably find it easy. Slip into the kink persona, do the kinky things, have a cuddle, walk away. Easy. Certainly there can be an expectation that you’re good at your kink, that you know what you’re doing, that this isn’t your first rodeo (which might even be your kink, that’s fine, who doesn’t like ropes?).
That expectation bleeds into real life, with budding kinksters not feeling able to say that this is new or their first time or something they’ve seen and thought about but never done. That’s especially true for Doms, poor things, who are generally expected to be born with Dom energy and Dom skills and do their Domming like a 30-year veteran of Domming the moment their brain says to them “um, you know, I’d quite like to hit that ass. Literally.”
But we all started somewhere and we could all do with remembering that and not letting new kinksters worry about how and where to start. The shame of being a new Dom is real, though, and the pressure to appear experienced comes from within as much, if not more, than it does from society as a whole.
There’s still a learning curve with being a sub, don’t get me wrong, but it’s easier for us subs to learn on the job because we’ve got a Dom right there, telling us what to do and punishing us for getting it wrong, if we’re lucky. But it’s much harder for an experienced sub to guide a new Dom: we can’t simply tell the Dom what to do without collapsing the scene. Instead a new Dom has to be guided, either as part of the standard consent and boundaries discussion before a scene or much more gently during.
I’m currently getting most of my sex at a gay sauna (US usage: bathhouse) which itself comes with a learning curve. There’s rarely any elaborate kink at a sauna: the sauna experience is in and of itself a kink but the rules are simple (no means no; be considerate of others; clean up after yourself) but there are opportunities for kink in general and sub/Dom play in particular that I take advantage of.
“I’m going to fuck you just like he did”
Yesterday was good for that. A foursome in the big room broke down into two twosomes, which is not unusual, and one of the guys and I made our way to one of the smaller rooms. The consent and boundaries talk was minimal because we were on the same wavelength. No discussion of the sex we were about to have was required. It became obvious very quickly.
The guy put on his Dom persona. I’m not sure if he was an actual Dom usually, but it was obvious that I was a sub and what followed worked really well. I got what I wanted (spanked, slapped, spat on and fucked every which way). I made my appreciation clear by being ridiculously loud, thanking him for each spank, crying out “yes sir!” with each thrust, begging for his dick in my mouth.
Once he’d come in me, we had a cuddle and a brief chat – aftercare in kinkplay is often more important than the kinkplay itself even in something as casual as this – and he unbolted the door and left.
Right outside the door was a lad of perhaps nineteen or twenty. Young enough that he was asked for ID when he checked in, anyway. Not my usual thing – I like burly, hairy bears in their 50s and 60s – but he was cute, I won’t deny it.
“Er, I’d, er…” he said, shuffling his feet.
My first thought was that he’d got the sub and the Dom positions mixed up and he thought that I was the Dom. And I might even have said yes, because why not.
Then he took a deep breath and barked: “I’m going to fuck you just like he did.”
Oh bless. A new Dom – a baby Dom! He’s seen it in porn. His brain said “yes please!” to it. He’s heard the sound of it through the door – hell, the whole of Liverpool heard the sound of it, I was loud – and here was his chance to do it for the first time.
And he didn’t know The Rules.
I would’ve been fully within my rights to have turned him down. Or I could’ve sat him down and given him a brief introductory course to kink and killed the mood. I could even have said “look, sonny, you’re not ready, but come to my house tomorrow night and oh boy you will be once we’re done.”
But he was throbbing with anticipation. And he was cute. And, hell, we’ve all been new at something. Is it not my duty to gently guide him towards the promised land of sub/Dom joy? To let him enter the room as a newbie and leave with one Dom session notch cut into the belt he wasn’t wearing? To make sure that the groundwork was done for his next sub?
I invited him in – saying “yes please, sir” and watching his dick spasm twice at my words. Then I started to teach him how to Dom my brains out.
First up, I bolted the door. Usually I’m happy to leave the door unlocked as that invites others to watch me being fucked, which I find a massive turn on – this, however, required privacy for him. And this gave him his first lesson.
“I’m going to bolt the door. That okay with you?” Teaching through subtext: everything, no matter how small, requires consent, and asking if you have it is easy.
There are always condoms around in the backrooms. I’m on PrEP so don’t require them, but I have no problem if the other guy wants to use one. He picked one up and unwrapped it and I smiled at him. Subtext: it’s your body, do what’s comfortable for you every single time.
He then went to push me back on to the bed. This doesn’t work for me: anatomy or whatever means a new dick needs to start with me bent over. Only once things have been going for a few minutes are the muscles ready for other positions (this is a change, by the way; it was the opposite a few years ago and changed overnight. I have no idea why).
I gently pivoted to fall face-first on to the bed.
He went to turn me over and the lessons continued. “Please fuck me, sir,” I begged whilst firmly keeping my back to him. Subtext: here is a boundary. He slapped my arse a couple of times (a bit gently, but he was new and that’s fine) and started to fuck me.
After a few dozen thrusts he slipped out and I took the opportunity to get fully on to the bed and lie on my back. His luck was in: here was the position he wanted and he could now have it. Subtext: good things come to those with patience in kinkplay.
It was clear that he wanted the noises I’d made for the previous Dom, after all he’d been stood outside the door wanking to those very sounds just a few minutes earlier, so I started to make them. It was also clear that he was new to fucking, let alone Domming, so he got his next lesson as I gently reached down and made sure his dick was on target each time he withdrew, then took my hand away for his next thrust. Subtext: the sub is just as, if not more, interested in the Dom getting what they want than the Dom is. Trust your sub.
He had another position he wanted to try, and getting it was a trap. The Dom illusion is broken if he was to ask for it. Demanding it could hit a boundary again. I was about to take a break from shouting “please sir!” to ask him what he wanted – keeping everything within the scene but also making me look like a mindreader (I knew he wanted something else, don’t ask me how, it’s a sub’s gift) – when he hit on the formula.
“I want to fuck you sideways,” he growled. There we go. Subtext: the Dom is demanding this but please can the sub facilitate it or find a way of saying no within the scenario? I shifted over to the side of the bed, turned on my side with one leg across, and he got off the bed and fucked me sideways.
I think at this point I recognised the actual porn film he was recreating with each position in turn.
The sideways thing did it for him and he came while calling me names as I shouted “oh sir! Oh sir!” with each spurt. He pulled out, removed the condom and then… went to unbolt the door and leave.
Uh oh, one more lesson for the new Dom. I lightly took his arm to stop him, gave him a hug and then looked him in the eyes. “You okay?” I asked. He looked confused, but then I think he got it. He returned the hug and said “That was great. Thanks. Uh, are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I told him. “Thanks for that. It was spot on. Thank you.”
“Yeah, no, thank you,” he replied, and gave me a kiss on my forehead.
And he left, no longer a virgin Dom and with a set of lesson notes. For which I hope his next sub will send me a ‘thank you’ card…