Language is important, and words matter. I’ll assume you’re with me this far, because you’re reading a sex blog rather than looking at naughty pictures on one of those other websites I’ve heard about. Words are fucking sexy. They can also be truly appallingly inadequate, and nowhere is this more clear than when trying to describe something hot only to find you have none of the right tools to do it properly. Today I would like your help in renaming one of the sexiest parts of human anatomy: the penile raphe. What exactly is the penile raphe? Allow me to explain.

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He’s on the phone in the living room and I can hear one half of the conversation. I understand about twenty percent of it. The other eighty percent is a delicious mixture of authority, skill, and words I don’t really understand that are directly related to his job. A job which I know he is pretty fucking good at. I boil the kettle. I grind coffee beans. I prepare him a coffee so delicious that when he gets off the phone he’ll acquiesce to my request: please please please can I suck your dick now? He’s in ‘work mode’ and it’s intensely sexy – I want to start from flaccid, and have the joy of sucking him hard.

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Wow, it’s been a while since I last did a sex news update (aka ‘two things‘) – sorry I’ve been a bit off the ball. This week, I wanted to highlight ‘sexperiments’ – those people who write articles about how they’ve made themselves shag every day for a month to save their marriage – and also let you know that tickets for Eroticon 2018 are on sale now. If you are – or want to be – a sex blogger or erotic writer, there’s time to pick up a cheap ticket in advance for next year.

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I don’t want to boast, but my partner and I are quite good at Lego. And by ‘good’ I think I mean ‘prolific’ rather than accurate. We have almost-perfect models all over our flat – treehouses and Batman cars and other colourful delights. When we’re not busy shagging or counting pennies, we like to build things.

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This week Theresa May signed the letter officially triggering Article 50 to begin the process of taking the UK out of the EU. Not very sexy, obviously, so other than writing a parody of the appalling treatment of May and Sturgeon in the Daily Mail, I didn’t have any Brexit-related inspiration for the blog this week. Then, like an angel descending from on high to give a combination of humour and genuinely useful insight, came Ruby l’Ace from Knicker Rocker Glory. She’s here to explain how Brexit could affect your sex life…

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